Most of the apartment stuff was packed in a feverish frenzy over the course of today, though I lagged behind with my own personal effects. I'm going to miss having a single, living so close to the Orange Line, being a real Tremont Street Raider, even the morons with the music. Some items were done away with, but we didn't even come close to the level of trash left behind by the previous tenants. In the evening, we commenced what Nathan aptly referred to as "an operation", though that term also carries connotations of warfare and surgery. It took a team of six people -- Sara, Iris, Nathan, Alaric, Sean and me -- about five hours to remove everything from my walls, including de-taping each object. Nathan and I were the most skilled at removing stubborn tape, and through everyone's extraordinary patience and consideration, we lost far fewer items than expected. We logged everything that had to be destroyed in the end, including a few from other rooms -- sixty-one worthless scraps of paper, all told. Pamela J. Dodd wrote that a eulogy is different from a funeral sermon "in that it is a remembering rather than a message for the audience." With that in mind, I present a eulogy for those lost objects. Unless you spent a lot of time in my room, you will not understand. If you did spend a lot of time in my room, you still won't understand. Thanks for reading; don't bother reading.
Was the question ever answered: how far can you fall? The new drug epidemic is over. I no longer see the side effects -- unusual changes in thinking and behavior. Children are no longer poisoned in the womb, leaving empty cribs in bare rooms. Never again will Martin Yan set off fireworks in our kitchen. The odds are lower of your burger-induced moans of pleasure waking the neighbors. BC is still BasiC, but there is no longer a handy placard to say so. I will have to Forgive Them without assistance. Somewhere, Stephen Colbert is probably still making fun of French troops, or should I say French prisoners? He was Wonderfilled, and it would have been Wonderful if not for all the HATE. Even that was beautiful in a nails-for-breakfast sort of way, elegant like movie star Maeno before his kamikaze flight. I, too have something to do in Setagaya: obtain poorly translated instructions for my new VCR, or maybe attend the traditional Indian wedding of a beautiful young couple with Down's syndrome. So, the pleasure is still back, but we no longer trust in white coats. From sea to shining sea: the watering holes are all dried up, and the time to jump has passed; I will have to find CHEAP THRILLS elsewhere. The Northeastern women's hockey team roster for game seven vs. Providence is no longer of any importance; it has been a long, long time since Washington vetoed the Buffalo Bills. Only ashes are left of the sports jerseys near Symphony, though the Crime Log never forgets. No one is left to ask, "What is justice?" (though the answer was found elsewhere, and I never realized.) C'est Batman? Will I forget Larry Potts, the soul singer murdered in his own home? Or the stand-up racism of Michael Richards? What if we live to see the day when there are NO SECOND CLASS CITIZENS thanks to what one governor we know so well is doing? The tribal canoer with skin in blue, black and white could ply his trade; ALASKA would matter again; a burning flag need not be a cause for alarm. But these are all past concerns, under the slab. We were so there, but the protein enriched tofu burgers were all consumed. (Is it any surprise?) Alanna's cranapple jam finally bit the dust after two years in my company. Was it given to me in a hundred empty film canisters? Could a kilo of Swiss gold have tasted any better? I may accidentally eat food that smells bad or has fuzzy green spots (mold). It may just be for my mouth, but perhaps I should think bigger, after all. BIGGER can be BETTER, though it was never size that mattered but how you park it. You would have died and gone to heaven if someone let you sit in a car like that, and speeding is believing. The woman in the golden field of wheat has gone home and taken a tiny sunset with her. Come Rain was an incantation that worked at last, darkening the glaring skylight in the white hallway. The Penis of the Week's time has passed, though the Doctor is obviously still in -- and Every Day at that -- but now I go unannounced. Perhaps all these were Dreams. All the King's Horses and All the King's Men could never put my walls back together again.
"The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope." - Samuel Johnson
"Remembering is a dream that comes in waves." - Helga Sandburg
"Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering." - Saint Augustine
"The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn." - David Russell
"Talking about music is like talking about sex. Can you describe it? Are you supposed to?" - Bruce Springsteen
"People surprise you. Sometimes the person you expect to kick you when you're down will be the one to help you get back up." - Anonymous, age 32
In the dead of night, Iris and I had a conversation that culminated in our breakup. I don't want to dwell too long on it here, but suffice to say that I initiated the breakup, it was painful, and Iris is one of the strongest people I have ever met. We dated for a long time and shared a lot of good times (Carmela Soprano haunts me here: "The difference between us is that you're going to Hell when you die!") After all this time, I felt more content than really happy, and though we did well together, it seemed like it was time to move on. I think this was the right decision; naturally, I felt like absolute shit anyway, and there was nothing to do but keep going. In a way, it's better that it happened like this. I have a lot of tasks to accomplish that will keep me distracted, and the move will wipe the slate clean. Tomorrow will be a new day, and I will be a new man.
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