Every Rose Has Its Thorn

          I robbed some cookies right out from under the cafeteria supervisor's nose today. There were actually two people behind the cookie counter already, and the supervisor walked over and they were all arguing about something, and I just snagged a nice heap of baked goods while they were distracted. This is Thieves Guild stuff right here.
          I joined Heather and Angel for dinner and had three George Clooney moments in terrifyingly quick succession. First, Scott appeared three seats away from me and surprised me. He then pointed to the TV, which pictured George Clooney lying on a bed (probably mine). I left about five minutes later, at which point Harrison appeared right next to me in the lobby. I'm now shivering with paranoia.
          In sexier news, I shaved today. Not completely, of course... not by a long shot. I'm currently rocking the Ambrose Burnside look. Google him if you want to cream yourself. When I don party shades and a popped collar, douche levels are critical. Only time will tell how long I will keep this style of 'stache before moving on to new pastures, but I can assure you that it will both help me gather donations for Movember and also attract many naked women to my quarters.

       On the subject of Movember. Rose cut me deep, deep indeed.
       "Rose, I'm collecting donations for Movember - it's men's health awareness."
       "No. I'm collecting money for Change for Change, though."
       "What if I die of prostate cancer?"

       "What if a village in Africa doesn't have animals to eat?"
       "What if I die of prostate cancer?"
       "[indistinguishable mumbling]"     
       "I have prostate cancer, Rose."
       "Get thee to a hospital, then."
       Women: the fairest sex, and the most heartless.

          Scott, Alaric and I did another card workout, this time accompanied by a giiiirl. Laura crushed the routine like a baws and demonstrated frightening double jointedness in her arms (see right). Also, a conversation: Laura is showing me a stretch...
          Me: "Aaargh, that feels good, Laura."
          Laura: "Okay, now spread your legs and look over    your shoulder."
          Me: "To see how they're doing back there?"
          And a good time was had by all. We then read a Cosmo article on how to tell if a guy is into you, and it was utter tripe. According to the top comment, "1) He's breathing. If he has a penis and there's eye contact, it's go time." Go time indeed, Mr. D[redacted].
          In just a few last pieces of news, Jaimie deserves spectabulous props for helping me deceive Iris into thinking I made her a Facebook account. I wish I'd been there for the hysteria. In the greatest Tremont news story of the day, Sean was approached in Ruggles today by a man asking for some "tree." If Sean looks like a drug dealer, he is the most clean cut drug dealer you've ever met. Also, he cops tree with the best of them.

Once More, I Mustache Too Much of You

          We had a gentleman from the Boston Symphony Orchestra staff come and talk about stuff in WPaSH today. I came in late, so Scott offered this enlightening description of his job: "He organizes shit." At one point, the guy says, "Quick poll. Who would say that Bartok's 'Miraculous Mandarin' was their favorite?" I raise my hand. "A couple of you... You must be Metallica fans!"
Oh snap. My status:
[ ] Not Told
[ ] Told
[ ] Fucking Told
[ ] Extremely Told
[ ] Extremely Fucking Told
[ ] TOLD RUSH
[ ] THE TOLD MAN AND THE SEA
[ ] TOLD LANG SYNE
[ ] EVERYBODY TOLD RAYMOND
[ ] CASH4TOLD.COM
[ ] THE PHANTOM TOLDBOOTH
[ ] NO COUNTRY FOR TOLD MEN
[ ] 98.9 TOLDEN OLDIES
[ ] TOLDMEMBER
[ ] 01010100010011110100110001000100
[ ] THE TOLD IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE
[ ] TEXAS TOLD 'EM
[x] KNIGHTS OF THE TOLD REPUBLIC

          Having recovered from all this told-ness, I retreated into a jar of Nutella and box of crackers. At 4:35 I went to the last Enhancing Honors breakout meeting, which consisted of 20 minutes of waiting for pizza, gobbling it all up and bailing.
          Iris and I attended the symphony tonight, which consisted of work by Harbison, Ravel and Mahler. The Mahler piece was particularly stunning, and the others were quite good as well. On the way back I hit up Symphony Market and got some Chicken in a Biskit, and we spread the love when I got back. I received my Secret Santa name, so whoever it is should look forward to something wonderful. Lastly, Iris is definitely up to no good. She asked me to drink 2 Snapples and return the bottles, and wouldn't let me open her craft drawer. Something smells fishy on 9 West, and it's not Boston Harbor.
          Oh, and Meredith showed me the best Google Chrome add-on ever, which searches for faces and adds mustaches to them. Alaric unleashed a great evil by using it on the Google image results for George Clooney. I always knew that science would be the death of us all, eventually. But not like this. Not like this!

          Preparing to settle in, I found myself swept into a workout of men with Scott, Sean and Alaric. We turned over a deck of cards one by one. Hearts are sit-ups, spades are push-ups, clubs are squats, and diamonds are flutterkicks. The number is how many of the given workout one does, with jacks being 11, queens 12, etc. The first joker is a minute long Superman, and the second is a minute long plank. We finished in roughly 40 minutes, and I'm pretty proud of myself (and my bros) for finishing.
          Quote of the day: "Just stick it in your mouth and be done with it!" - Sabrina

Greatest Fist Gods of the Universe

          I got out of two classes early today; first college writing, for which the instructor barely had plans, and intro to physics, after a solitary lab visit. This visit was extraordinary in that we had a personable, non-accented dude leading us around his optical tweezer arrays and stuff.
          Floor news: I owe Jaimie my thanks for 2 or 3 cartons of orange juice a couple weeks ago. Thanks James. She and Iris followed me around the dining hall like creepers, which was also an adventure. I should thank Scott for that 1:30 AM pizza, it hit the spot perfectly. Iris is acting suspicious again. She's manufacturing a great deal of those origami stars. Something is afoot, I am sure of it. Jenny is organizing a Secret Santa event, so that's pretty exciting. Apologies to Amy and Heather, who were treated to a sublime vision of me answering my door half into a pink bathrobe around noon.

          Quote of the day: "Dude, I just shnartzed!" - Alaric
          Text of the day: "Trumpets and saxophones are the greatest fist gods of the universe. Also, Sean [REDACTED] fisted her man" - Sabrina

To Boston!

          We left my place for Northeastern at 8:30 and were here before noon. Naturally, I left my new scarf at Katharine's, so our plans for winter break are automatically cemented. It was a bit eerie coming back, as only a few people were around at the time (Iris, Jaimie, Scott, Shannon). Shannon wants and deserves a shout out, so I would like to say her new haircut is lovely. Also, Agawam is a funny name. Just saying.
           I took an unlicensed nap in Iris' bed and threatened her with a combat knife to ensure that she didn't try anything sketchy while I was asleep, like get me naked or something. Later, I talked politics over dinner with Elliott while Laura talked about "Pennsyltucky." She also clapped her hands like an excited 5 year old when I described thermite and its applications. Scott and I then made love in an elevator. If making love can be defined as Scott farting and ruining my day.
          I forgot to mention in Friday's entry that I'm getting all four wisdom teeth knocked out over winter break. Specifically, the week before Christmas. I'm considering learning a pain mantra or something in preparation. Unrelated, Sherbert and I are currently sharing a chair in a moment of big-booty solidarity.

          Later, Alaric and I performed a couple of practice readings of the script for Act I of his Great Gatsby-related video. I myself am playing Telemachos Bombadier, ace-tier gentleman and leader of the Ladies' and Gentlemen's League. We planned to watch "Kick-Ass" on Netflix but experienced streaming issues and ended up viewing "Lucky Number Slevin," which was the best accident of my day. It's a movie I'd never heard of with Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Stanley Tucci and others, and it was absolutely gripping and mind-blowing. Afterward, Scott and I dueled with Nerf pistols and made merry while Alaric, Sabrina and Sherbert looked on in awe and wonder.

THIS BLOOD'S FOR YOU

          After going hard on Friday I slept in on my last day of Thanksgiving break in Saugerties. I got up around 1:30 and headed over to Logan's for Sully's 4th birthday. Matt was unfortunately incapacitated by his rapidly advancing illness, so I missed the pleasure of his company. We kicked it in the Brothel with Allie and Catie for a while, barbequed and then Logan and I headed over to Katharine's. There we discussed the many things that have transpired in my absence. We also utilized tvtropes.org to read up on the death of the third largest comics company in America thanks to the greatest crossover ever.

DEATHMATE: THIS BLOOD'S FOR YOU!
Logan and Andy YOUNGBLOOD & BLOODSHOT
Their love will end worlds!

And then came the great comics crash of 1996. But it was a sexy comics crash.

Cop Magnets

          I had a very eventful day today! First, up at 7:15 following two hours of sleep for a dentist appointment. I have the sweetest, most motherly dentist named Dr. Zhang, but she was closed today so I went to an affiliate at Aspen Dental (over by Panera Bread). There, I had the filling that had fallen out of my front tooth replaced by an ill-tempered dentist. She was aided by a herpa-derpa-ding-dong hygienist who was paying attention to the TV and asked the dentist if an instrument she had just used on me was broken.
          We then went shopping for coats. I got a sweet pea coat and some shirts at the mall, and an $80-ish London Fog raincoat for $10 at Salvation Army, though it has a bit of that "flasher chic." At Goodwill I tried on a couple of leather jackets, but a large beetle crawled out of one of the sleeves onto my hand, which sort of ruined my enthusiasm to buy anything there.
          Returning home I did the bare minimum amount of work on the college writing paper due at 10 PM, which seemed justified considering that it's Thanksgiving break and I have other stuff on my mind. In a week or two I need to do a portfolio on the current unit. Total pieces of writing we've done this unit: two and a half. Also, it was Ryan's 7th birthday today!
          At 8:00, Seth and Kristina picked me up and we drove over to Grant D. Morse Elementary, .5 miles from my house. While hanging out on the top deck of the pirate ship on the playground, I learned the hard way that these two attract cops like flies to vinegar. (Aside: You actually catch more flies with vinegar than honey.) This was to be my first run-in with a police officer to date. He pretty much told us to move along and wished us a good evening. We then drove around aimlessly and Seth regaled me with stories of all these times they were stopped by the police for no reason. (Sitting in a car in a park in the daytime? Suspicious. Driving a car? Doubly suspicious.) Seth himself was mistaken for a serial killer by a cop in a McDonalds once, and was frisked and searched by a state trooper on another occasion. He says he must wear "cop cologne." We did stop and walk around the village for a little while and ran into Gaebel! Also, we were assaulted by a horde -- seriously -- of thirteen or fourteen year olds on the street. "My name is Dick Butkus, lolololol." It was probably past their bedtime, but it was the most amusing thing that had happened to us up to that point so we didn't bother to mention it to anyone. They probably would have arrested us for having legs or something, anyway.

Murphy Eats All of My Food: Redux

          At Judy and Steve's for Thanksgiving today. Spent time with family, simply lovely and all that. We ended the evening with a game of Balderdash with the cousins and a wrestling match with my brother Ian. Actually more like a game of "rub Ian's face on the floor with my superior strength and skill," but it was a good time nonetheless. I apologize in advance for all the speaking tense changes in this post.
          Afterward, Murphy came to visit! She ate all of my leftover Chinese food and drank milk out of a teacup which she found in my cabinet. We discussed college woes and lots of other shiznat -- her word, not mine -- and caught up on each other. Lesson learned: Niagara University ("NU") is a total ghetto and it's not worth the $40 grand in tuition. Two visits from friends down, twelve to go. (Not really twelve. I lied.)
          Quote of the day: "Twenty-eight? That's a little young to be a mom. I think I'd just be a WILF -- a woman I'd like to fuck." -- Murphy, who will, at that age, be taking my brother Ryan to junior prom

          Also, an exchange while thinking of a title.
          Me: "'NU Sucks'? No, that doesn't work."
          Murphy: "Can you put 'NU Sucks,' with 'Donkey Dick' afterward?"
          Me: ...."How about 'NU? More Like PU!'"
          Murphy: "That is so gay!"

          LATER.
          Murphy and I decide to go out for ice cream. This should be a 5 minute jaunt over to Stewart's. For the uninitiated, Stewart's Shops are convenience stores with fantastic ice cream. They close at 11 and we head out at 10:18, it's all good. Oh wait, it's Thanksgiving so they close at 10. Cue mad dash all over the place as we now desperately crave ice cream - Barclay Heights Diner, Eckerd, McDonalds, Starway, Dunkin' Donuts, Price Chopper -- all closed. Finally we reach Quick Chek and by God, they're open! She takes a Haagen-Dazs strawberry and I choose a Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra. We then go to Evan's place for no reason and hang out for a while, where I had both the most depressing and most mind-bendingly funny moments of my day.
          Depressing: I walked really slowly with a limp in the extreme cold, speculated what it'll be like when I'm old, and wondered if it would be that discomforting.
          Funny: While old man-walking, I glance up through a picture window, glance back down and- wait. I look back up. Someone is watching porn on a big TV with the shades open. I call Evan and Murphy over. "Only old people live there," muses Evan. We carry on our conversation on the sidewalk in front of the house. This goes on for some time, with the old man (presumably, anyway) fast-forwarding through the doubtlessly awful porn plot. "Look, he turned it off!" I observe. Two seconds later... "Lesbians!" exclaims Evan. "He changed the channel to lesbians! What a guy!" I considered knocking on the door but I got scared and we drove back to Bel-Air.

Haters Gonna Hate

          It was a tad depressing leaving IV for Thanksgiving, but also relieving; the only people left to say goodbye to (that were also awake) were Ryan and Laura. James and I rode home together, accompanied by her friend Alan from BoCo. Following a Billy Joel/Bruno Mars jam they dropped me off at McDonalds to meet up with my family.
          It's interesting to be home. I had Chinese food for dinner and then Matt picked me up to sleep over at his place with Amanda. The poor gentleman has the flu and his voice sounds like a 55-year old hooker with emphysema. We watched American Horror Story (not as bad as True Blood, but close) and ate Fudge Rounds (nom nom nom nom). I caught up on the goings-on and we all fell asleep to Frou Frou. A wonderful evening with friends.
          Quote of the day:
"Hate on me, haters." - Matt

The Miraculous Mandarin

EVERYTHING IS PERFECTLY FINE

          Up at 1 for some What's Playing at Symphony Hall. Today we discussed the composer Gustav Mahler. Specifically, we talked about how he was ballin' some lady named Alma and how she had an affair with this guy named Gropius (the name just screams "creeper") and then another short-lived fling with this other guy, Oscar Kokoschka. Oscar, like any sensible person, commissioned a life-size doll of Alma -- see photo. Nightmare fuel.
          I went to the symphony this evening. Again, quite decently placed seats, if a bit far back. There were two pretty okay performances: Berlioz's Roman Carnival and Mozart's Piano Concerto. These were followed by a bizarre contemporary piece (Flute Concerto by Carter) and finally the highlight of my evening: the music from The Miraculous Mandarin, composed by Bela Bartok. Brief synopsis: ruffians convince prostitute to attract men so they can rob them. They throw out an old chap and a shy young guy due to lack of money, and then a Mandarin with "eyes burning with a mysterious fire" walks in. They try to kill him in three or four ways, and all he does is take on a sort of green glow. The hooker, who apparently has a heart of gold, is moved by his passion and -- depending on whose account you subscribe to -- either embraces the Mandarin or gets freaky with it. Anyway, he stops glowing and dies thanks to her act of compassion. Iris, of course, is the Miraculous Mandarin from this point forward.
          We watched an excellent film tonight: Insomnia, that is, the remake starring Al Pacino and Robin Williams. Lauren, Laura, Sean and Ryan all fell victim to sleep and left, leaving only Alaric and I to finish the movie. I highly recommend it if you like police procedurals. I definitely recommend it if you want to see Robin Williams as an unnervingly creepy, uncomfortably believable and distinctly unfunny villain.
          Lastly, Iris: in response to your blog, I have many sharp objects in my room. Your pitiful countermeasures will come to nothing.

Taking Care of Bidness

          Substitute teacher in calculus today, but that didn't stop me from doing relatively poorly on the quiz. I did escape early, at least, allowing me to hammer out a zero draft for English I hadn't been aware of until that day. In Intro to Physics we visited labs again, and naturally they convinced the people with the strongest accents to talk to us over the roar of lab equipment and machinery. I left with little insight on physics and lots of insight on how cool laser arrays can look.
          Returning, I met Iris' "bearded lady," Julianne. She is not bearded. After that initial letdown, we talked for a while and I got down to bidness on some research for Peace through Play. I attended the M^3 as usual and then fell asleep at the National Committee meeting, which dragged on until 9. Tromping back to the 9th floor, the night finally got somewhat interesting; several people hung out in Jackie and Shannon's room for "girl talk" (plus men), and then we moved into Alaric's for a few hours. We experimented with the minutes of silence again, until Joseph entered and broke it. Ben left for home around midnight. Around 2 everyone went to watch some Dr. Who, except me -- I took an unlicensed nap in Alaric's bed instead. Stumbling to bed, I was stricken by the distinct feeling that I had accomplished nothing that day.
          Quote of the day:
"20 is an important age. Once you're 20, you have successfully not become a teenage mother." - Ilana

Ich Bin Ein Balliner

          Said Alaric, musing over "Fig. 1: Balliner," his beautiful portrait of me rendered in charcoal. This was to be the first of two creative works inspired by me on this night. The second would follow in short order, but not before a great deception on Iris' part was unmasked.
          I sat before her laptop, idly playing with the keys. How about I read her blog? I thought to myself. I typed in www.pap-
          Two URLs appeared, similar but not identical. One ended in "mephistopheles," which was what I'd been reading, and the other in "mephisto." I had been fooled! Iris had created a nearly exact copy of the original blog so as to trick me into thinking I was reading the real one, and it had very nearly gone unnoticed. Holding myself hostage with a craft knife, I convinced her to open up the actual blog. Comparing them side by side, I discovered the awful truth: the only edits pertained to some inside joke I'm not party to. The shock overwhelmed me.
          All sins forgiven, a convoy of myself, Iris, Ben, Akash and Alaric hit the most exclusive spot in Boston: OutTakes Quick Cuisine. We had to get through two doors to get in and even swipe in with limited-access ID. I bought enough food to feed your mother for five minutes and we kicked it. On our return, I discovered Sabrina struggling through a Theory class composition imaginatively titled "Piece." I worked a little magic and the the newly rechristened "Andy's Tremont Massage Co., Ltd. (Oh Yeah)" was off to a good start. I post this update as the backrub-inspired composition is taking shape.
          Oh, and one more thing for those Pokemon emulator bros out there. "Schoolboy Tommy has a Xatu and an Alakazam, and Teacher Miranda has a Cubone and an Aipom." Also, "Biker Dwayne has four Koffings." And that's all I have to say about that.

And Then a Skeleton Popped Out

          Got up late, off to Pep Rageous Band at 4. We played on the second balcony inside Curry for a cheering crowd of maybe 1 person. The band returned gloriously for the 8:00 hockey game versus UVM, which ended triumphantly, 4-1. We celebrated by watching "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" like responsible young people.
          And now for a dream sequence from the night before, starring the 929 Boyz.
           Here I am in an outside lecture hall. Think of a Greek theater, except instead of tiered seating it's those uncomfortable wooden flip-down chairs in Richards. Some friends from Saugerties are sitting out in the back corner, but I just pop a squat next to Sean and Alaric. I ignore the lecturer and amuse myself with a microwave that's sitting next to the row.
           The next thing I know I'm in my room, waking up from a nap in the early evening. Alaric has entered the room and unbolted the door, closing it. "It's the end of the world out there." "What?" I ask groggily, and look out the window. People are running around chaotically outside the police station. "They're killing each other," Alaric mouths. I ask where Sean is. Alaric's answer is a bit of a non-answer but I know that he must be gone. I think back to a survival kit I'd put together for some reason in another dream. "We need to get downstairs and get the gun," I say. Alaric disagrees. "We need to get to Black Rock," he declares, handing me a sheet of copied directions. They're directions to a hidden location called Black Rock written by an 18th-century mercenary and woodsman named Matthew Matthewson. "Al," I mutter, "this is in Louisiana." I have doubts as to whether the directions would even be effective at this point. "We need to get to Black Rock," he repeats. I decide to check the hall before we make a move. I crack the door and peer around it. Scott and Harrison are beating the crap out of each other, but Scott turns to stare at me. Dammit, I think. The door is closing but I won't be able to get it shut before Scott gets to it. Reaching the door, he heroically pulls it the rest of the way closed. There's a bang, and my view through the little window is obstructed by an enraged Harrison beating on the door. I turn around, relieved, and wake up to thoughts of what juice we should pack.

Chilling With My Nyagas

          Today I attended a Russell Brand show in historic Matthews Arena. He was 36 minutes late and started out lame, but his act got pretty solid as the night continued. Afterward, we theoretically watched "Blade Runner." We started with a promising twelve people -- enough to shatter the bed record by two -- but there were many casualties and by the end of the night, only Joseph, Alaric, Laura, Meredith (a friend from the far side of North) and I remained. Alaric and I worked toward perfecting the use of the word "nyaga." All in all a delightful evening, and Sabrina deserves special thanks for the delicious juice she provided for me. Also, Jaimie is a t-rex. That is all.

However Long the Night

          I should start with a correction: last night we watched "The Road," not a chick flick; you may thank Heather for that ninja edit. After the movie we broke the world record for number of people on my bed at one time. With Jackie's arrival, we became a 10 piece nuggets. On the subject of food, I'm nearly certain that the bakery downstairs is catching on to me. The cookies have been extraordinarily mediocre lately, most unworthy of my Prince of Thieves antics, and more often than not there are one or two staffers just chilling behind the counter and watching people. Lastly, I began playing the Christmas tunes today, at ear-splitting volume, of course. I'm building a Frankenstein's monster of a holiday playlist and it can't hurt to get a head start.
          Funny business aside. On a serious note, Sam and I broke up after our relationship of a year and nine months. Hopefully things will heal between us, as I care about her very much. I would not advise anyone to enter a long distance relationship -- it is very, very hard. I ask my friends to forgive my melancholy state for the time being.

Hell Rage, Part 2: The Ragening

          My calculus professor is a dick. No, that is an insult to dicks. He is a tumbling dickweed. There are only three people I have ever met who were more efficient at being condescending dickbags, and two of them were brothers. He has his name written in his underwear in red sharpie, and it says "Dick MacDickface." Firstly, no calculus is "high school stuff." It is a college subject studied by college students. Secondly, no calculus instructor worth their salt says things like, "This is not hard at all, once you know how to do this it's so simple...This should be really easy stuff. There is nothing hard in this section except all those new terms." Allow me to address my instructor directly. If that were true, you would be able to release us earlier than five minutes late every day. You would not use words like "sperial" (spherical) or "propogate" (propagate), which do not exist. You would master basic rules of grammar involving subjects and verbs. You would not laugh at all the wrong moments, such as the part where you tell me I need to pull up my quiz grades because those are the only grades in your class. Finally, you wouldn't say all these unbelievably condescending things while referring to linear approximation and propagated error, two of the most mind numbing subjects I have encountered to date and most definitely not "high school stuff."
          In other news, the trees in the park outside my window have lost much of their foliage. Soon I will be able to actually see stuff going on unrelated to children whose parents were arrested. It was beautifully overcast with some calming rain later in the day, and an aroma of rain on soil rose to greet me while I returned from English class. This prompted sweet memories of cross country at SHS and the friends I made there, and got me all nostalgic for our runs up and over the hobo junkyard and through the muddy flats over by HITS. Sabrina also sent me a text reading thusly: "trumpets are made of glory and winnery. also trumpet players win at life and make the best lovers." I found this so sweet, I have temporarily revoked her ban from my room. We're going to watch a chick-flick at 10:15, but first a message from guest writer Heather.

         Actually he meant 10:00. 10:15 is past my bedtime. So today everyone learned that Andy has a foot fetish, it's pretty weird. Andrew Roy Curran (ARC) is a pretty cool guy, except he can be totally a huge pain in the ass. Not in an inappropriate way, I know what you're thinking, Andy. You should really get your mind out of the gutter. But that's another story. For now, I'm going to convert you into a chick-flick lover. Not as in the guys in said chick-flicks, more as in one who enjoys watching girly movies. Because seriously, after a few more scary/action/thriller/intense movies, I'm going to stop watching. No Fucking Joke. <3 Heather :D

Read This or I'll Attack You with Wild Animals; Or, Iris Gives Me All of Her Clothes

          Not bad for a Tuesday. In Symphony, my caffeine-fueled professor talked about downloading Mozart off of YouTube and put on his best pirate voice - "Arrr, piracy! Everybody's doing it!" He then spent lots of time talking about how fond Mozart was of dirty humor and the mechanics of the modern piano v. the fortepiano. I wrote what is quite possibly the worst essay I have ever produced, my reflection on All Souls for Enhancing Honors; or, more accurately, my reflection on pages 1-30 of All Souls. At Enhancing Honors I ignored Maureen as usual and read a brilliant article on mathematics that I strongly recommend for everyone. You can find it here ---> http://www.maa.org/devlin/LockhartsLament.pdf
           Post-class, I called a chain of people in Saugerties to figure out when they would be getting off for Thanksgiving (Matt, Logan, Sara, Buddy Potter, Katharine) and finally got through to the last. I also ended up having lovely discussions with Logan and his father Steve, and slightly less lovely text conversations with Buddy and Sara. Logan's call resulted in my invitation to a 4 year old's birthday party -- it's gonna be a rager.
           Iris slipped another little origami shirt under my door (I think they're actually pieces of her wardrobe) but Jaimie and Shandana got two and three, respectively. Like any civilized person, my response was to threaten Iris with violence if she didn't make enough to cover my entire wall and then storm out of her room. I didn't actually expect to receive any more, and when she walked in with thirty in assorted colors while we watched "Ocean's 11," I was floored. Tangentially related, our viewing of that film has led to a new, frightening phrase that beats even "and then a skeleton popped out": "and then George Clooney appeared behind you." He can be anywhere, anytime. Expect him.
           After the film Sabrina treated me to two pieces of information, one good and one bad. Bad: she reminded me that she dislikes trumpets, which has resulted in an indefinite ban from my room. Good: she's been playing Team Fortress 2 in secret, meaning that there is still hope for my friend. Scott and Sean have theorized that women are like objects in Katamari Damacy: tickle them and they huddle together, a process that continues until you can tip and wobble them like a giant ball. Of women. No doubt, research on this subject will continue in the near future. Lastly, it's been found that attacking someone with wild animals is the best end for any conversation. This was observed after a period of Pokemon Yellow emulation.
"I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!" [attacks with wild animals]
"My boyfriend is so cute!" [attacks with wild animals]
"Hey! You're not wearing shorts!" [attacks with wild animals]

Hell is a Box of Cookies

          It was an uneventful morning. I opened my eyes at the godless hour of 5:30 AM, threw off my blanket and developed frostbite. I puttered about for a few hours, got some work done, and ate breakfast for the first time in a week: egg and bacon pizza. My calculus instructor dismissed us his customary 5 minutes late after saying "wolume" and "wariables" more times than I care to count. After talking about it for weeks, I finally got around to dropping Physics 1 and the associated lab for good; farewell, TA Vic and Microsoft Excel.
          Later, I chugged for 3 hours straight to finish a process portfolio for my English class. I guess I'm supposed to feel accomplished or something, but in reality I don't feel that what I did was useful or informational, just time spent that I could have done other things with. The class itself was a pleasure - we're watching The Social Network! Following that, though, it was back to work -- a page of cited research for Peace through Play, and my first experience with APA format. Edge-of-your-seat stuff, that.
           At the M^3, we did an activity wherein a question is read and everyone travels to a designated corner of the room (agree, disagree, strongly agree, strongly disagree). The last question was, "Do you believe that people of all genders, races and religions should be allowed to marry?" Everyone went over to the agreement corners except one guy, who remained in the disagree corner. Even if I didn't agree with his beliefs, I had to admire his courage for sticking to them. Also, there was a box of chewy Chips Ahoy just sitting on the table and I fully expected they would be eaten, but they were not. Hell is probably a little room where you sit by a table with one of those boxes and every time you reach for it, you get punched in the family jewels. Anyway, after a nice chat with Jaimie I settled into another relaxing evening of emulation with the gentlemen of the ninth floor.

To Be the Very Best

          This afternoon I leaped out of bed and joined Alaric, Ryan and Amy in a trip down to Utrecht, the art store near Symphony Hall on Huntington. I purchased a bottle of purple calligraphy ink, so certain Saugertisians may be receiving fancy letters at some point this year. I barely restrained myself from spending $25 on a big set of Sharpies, so it's nice to know that I have retained some sense of responsibility. Meanwhile, Al bought the entire store, Ryan was looking for some construction paper, and Amy was searching for carpet to -- get ready -- pad the trees that they put the slacklines on. After I got off the lollercoaster, we headed back to IV to get work done.
           Needless to say, work quickly turned into other activities. After revising one paragraph of my English 1111 paper, I joined Alaric and began a Pokemon Yellow adventure on my trusty emulator. I was beset by my rival BAWLZ at every turn, but I never lose, so it wasn't an issue. This was helped by a technique I first learned from my suite mate Joseph: run the emulator at 450x speed for ultra-efficient training! We also discovered that link-ups between emulators are apparently supported, so the ninth floor might have a battle tournament on the horizon.
           Later, I went running for about 20 minutes in a thankfully uncrowded exercise area. Post-run, I was to join Jaimie and Shandana for a late dinner. I subjected them to a routine that will be familiar to the C. Squad at home: take a shower right before we need to go and appear half-naked at the door to ask for more time. After we ate, Jaimie and I did the laundry; on return to 9, Heather was waiting for me. Predictably, she was sexiled again by her RA suite mate. I lent her my sleeping bag and she went on her merry way, but not before throwing in a few snide comments about my perceived immaturity. Little else of note occurred and I'm going to bed at a record-breaking 10:45 PM in order to chug out some serious work tomorrow.

Hell Rage

          Today I attended a concert at Symphony Hall - the Overture to Weber's opera Der Freischutz and pieces by Barber and Tchaikovsky. I alienated everyone around me by wearing a skullcap and dilapidated canvas jacket with a t-shirt. My rapidly growing Movember stubble added to the effect, so much that one attendant at the door actually avoided meeting my eye. Happily, the others were pleasant enough. Last time I got an awkward neck-turning right balcony seat, but this time I was directly in the center of the hall, which was exciting! The title of this post stems from a person sitting a couple of rows back and to the right, who had the emphysema cough of evil. Luckily they left after a few minutes of torture, and my ears were spared the unwelcome accompaniment to the sweet, sweet tunes.
          Post-symphony, I came home and had a printing adventure with Iris. This led to the discovery that the printer in IV is equal in temperament to those in Snell on a mediocre day. That is to say, out of the twelve documents I attempted to print, I ended up with three due to a time-out on the part of the wireless client. Returning my room, I'm doing this entry while we listen to some mood music! (MC Hawking -- gangsta rapper who impersonates Stephen Hawking) Also, Alaric just appeared and the Sporcle fest has just begun.

T2F, Baby

        Today, a very good friend came to visit! Katharine and her parents came by after a tour of WPI. Beautiful day for it - autumn is in full swing and the air is that crisp, hay ride under the moon variety of cold. Unfortunately, she lacked a photo ID and couldn't gain entrance to IV. Using my Northeastern-trained powers of innovation, I snagged my high school yearbook from my room and presented it to the proctor. "Will this do?" "I've never had this question before," he said with a bemused look. After persuading him to let us in, we left after ten minutes and went over to the women's basketball game at Cabot.
        The game was an utter disaster. EMU kept a solid 30 point lead over NU the entire time, and at one point a single player was beating our entire team, 37 to 35 or some such. The Rageous Band barely got to play at all, though we did sneak in a piece here and there. Heavy hearted and feeling slightly dirtied, we returned to IV. Intending to go out to some French-themed function later in the evening, I instead stole Jaimie's bed and took a nap for 4 hours or so. Highlight: James shouting that she was "T to F tonight" in front of a large tour group.

Attack of the Fifty Foot Post

          It is the spring of 2011. Deep in the admissions department at Northeastern University, a daring plan is hatched. If successful, this scheme would unite all of the finest minds in Boston under one roof. One semester later, the residents of International Village's ninth floor have moved into their new lodging. This is their story.
          Of course, when I say "they," I actually mean "we," so I suppose I should say this is our story.

Principal players:

          Alaric  - Also known as the Reverend General Invincible. Named for a Visigoth general, this fiery-haired gent seduces women with a soulful saxophone and uses his deductive skills to determine if a situation "seems legit."
          Amy - Also known as Ames. Hailing from an unknown land, Amy is a sociology major with a penchant for slacklining and has hair larger than the average seven year old. She likes firearms and Miyazaki films also.
          Angel - Angel has the Dutch-est last name out of anyone I have encountered at NU thus far. She is adept at cornrowing, confectionery, and also has powerful kung fu. Additionally, I would like to wish her a happy birthday!
          Ben - A native of Maryland, this mysterious creature -- we call them "engineers" -- resides directly across the hall. He is the sole occupant of a double and uses the extra space to store torture devices "projects" for class. He is also very sarcastic and laughs at things that were not intended humorously.
          Eric - A cinema junkie masquerading as a fifth floor resident, I owe Eric bro-tier props for training me in the mystical art of Steam as well as lending me his Netflix account. He has the power of facial hair, if somewhat less honed than mine, and is generally commendable.
          Esther - An intense young woman who is known to utilize kitchenware and appliances without permission. Like me, she is from upstate New York. Unlike me, she dislikes arguments and can shoot lasers out of her eyes, an unpleasant combo any way you slice it.
          Harrison - A distinguished gentleman and Alaric's roommate. He creates wonderful music and poetry and is known to keep it delicate. Also holds the title of "that guy I met at orientation and never thought I'd meet again but here we are 2 rooms apart and chilling out." So yeah, that's pretty cool.
          Heather - Another ninth floor res living on the second, Heather is a skater from Boulder, Colorado who is in the business of thieving cookies and rugs. Her greatest weakness is the horror movie, but she has an uncanny ability to withstand the mind-numbing asininity of the chick flick.
          Iris - Best known for her role as Little Glasses Girl in V for Vendetta, Iris is always frustrated at people who hang around while she works and takes it out on me. I accept this injustice silently, partly because she is my friend and also because she can make those cool origami stars and does lovely drawings in ink.
          Jackie - Always pleasant company, this 9F North inhabitant is notable for two reasons: 1) she pees a lot, and 2) she's a vegan, which naturally makes one better than most people and grants them mind powers. Jackie also teaches yoga and is an Occupy activist.
          Jaco - Another member of the ginger trio, Jaco (pronounced JAH-koh) is a foaming-at-the-mouth hockey fan and is the westernmost of my 9F West friends. Recently, in the spirit of the Thanksgiving season, she posted "hand turkey" marker drawings on several doors. I myself did not receive one -- should investigate further.
          Jaimie - Also known as James. Geographically among the closest of my friends (make some noise, Hudson Valley). She has become a master of the three-point shot into the bad story basket, and does a passing fair impression of Her Majesty the Queen. Receives royalties any time someone uses the phrase "I just think it's so funny" and notably dislikes movies; performs a stunning solo in "Dynamite" with the Rageous Band.
          Jansen - The second literally close-to-home dorm mate (Power Kingdom!), Jansen has yet to fully grasp the art of mini pizzas, but is learning quickly. He alone backed me up when two friends had a negative reaction to one of my favorite films, In Bruges. Holds down the percussion section of the Rageous Band.
          Joseph - My unfortunate, virus-struck suite mate. A double engineering major from Massachusetts, everything was going well when tragedy struck in the form of mononucleosis! When he's not asleep, he's an avid sports fan and is generally easy to share a bathroom with.
          Laura - The third of the flame-haired friends, Laura is a balls-to-the-wall cross country runner and, according to her urbandictionary.com article, both "sex on legs" and "the rudest person you'll ever meet." She spends her time brooding over self-inflicted pain biochemistry, accidentally saying suggestive things, and making interesting sounds.
          Lauren - A swimmer, so immediately my polar opposite; she's also the owner of a genuine pair of Power Pants which allow her to jump over all the things. In a manner reminiscent of my own brother, she calls everything "weird." She's also eerily similar in appearance to a Saugertiesian friend of mine, which is sooo weird.
          Ryan - Viola player (heh heh heh) and symphony addict. Ryan plays a perfect Charlie Brown and wears a trucker hat with more panache than anyone I know. His laugh is astonishingly carrying, and has been known to summon coyotes from the mountains to do his bidding.
          Sabrina - Bass player and Harry Potter fanatic. She can do a great impersonation of Bellatrix Lestrange but her TF2 is weak and requires some shoring up. A music industry major, she is also one of the few Mastodon fans I've had the pleasure of meeting and is a wonderful conversationalist.
          Sarah - Also known as Sherbert. Indirectly responsible for my assassination during International Assassins '11 Fall, she has the ability to transform into a tasty dessert and has bad-ass Facebook profile pictures.
          Scott - Also known as Deaf. Resident athlete and tall person, when Scott meets my hair gel a star is born. He has the softest hair known to mankind and is known to throw sheep to work off excess energy.
          Sean - Also known as the Goddamn Batman. A true balliner and mathematics major (unrelated). Sean is the patron saint of black and grey stripes and makes a mean online gaming partner. He does math that doesn't even exist.
          Shandana - Resident Greenpeace-class animal softie from Denmark and animal-class Green Day fan. Stays up nights experimenting with the voice controls on her phone and creeping out suite mate James. Also keeps a mentally handicapped fish named Squid and uses "feeding the fish" as an excuse to escape any situation.
          Shannon - Last but not least, Shannon is Jackie's roommate and a true sass master. Despite throwing us under the bus during Husky Hunt, she's still a blast to hang out with and is a gigantic splash of color on a dreary day. Gigantic figuratively, not literally.

Sorry for the colossal post, but now I can talk about people without introducing them one by one!