King John Never Flushes When He Takes a Massive Dump

          In musicals class today, Professor Feinstein deliberately played "There's No Business Like Show Business," knowing that I hate it. At least the version he put on lacked Ethel Merman. We then viewed some more MUSIC MAN <3 including a scene we already watched, namely the one where Marian sings in a grating vibrato. I also get to hang out at noon with Jenna, our TA, to score a scene from Music Man, so that means all my in-between-class reading is going down tonight.
          We had our annual, inexplicably titled CEP Town Hall Meeting this evening. It should have taken about half an hour and instead sucked up an hour, during which we were granted such gems of wisdom as "twenty five...times four...that's a hundred." At one point, the speaker said the word "come," Laura and Chris laughed and looked at me as if I was going to call it. If I laughed every time I heard the word "come," I'd be in an institution, not a university.
          Someone threw themself under the commuter rail train in Ruggles this evening. Word is that they died. I know little more having only seen the ambulance there on the way over to the CEP meeting. Meredith, Laura and I debated whether suicides naturally lead to more suicides. Interestingly, there were two people in my room at one point who both had the middle name "Virginia" -- Heather and Meredith.
          On Heather's suggestion, she, Alaric, Sean and I watched Russell Crowe's Robin Hood, featuring my boy Mark Strong as Godfrey. Talk about an incredibly exciting movie, the battle at the end doesn't even resemble a battle so much as a affirmation that the good have natural plot armor. Also, the French all being barbarians and having drop-door landing craft were amazing historical details that must have slipped by me in history class. The note on my door afterward seemed only natural. "For Horse and Country. FUCK KING JOHN."
          Quotes of the day:
"That little girl is such a bad actress. It's really remarkable." - Professor Feinstein
"You've gotta do it like a pro. You've gotta get two hands in there." - Laura
"He loves the people who go to Hell. They just need to learn their lesson. For eternity." - Ben
And regarding Sarah's brutal hacking of Sabrina's facebook...
Me: "We're winning the psychological battle."
Alaric: "There's a berserker in their ranks."
Me: "The entire team is BABIEZ"

The Miracle of Foreplay

          It's amazing to me how people still think that legalized gay marriage would force priests to marry same-sex couples. News flash: priests can refuse to marry anyone they deem unfit, and it's totally legal. Same-sex marriage legalization applies to the government, not to private organizations, who can pretty much associate with whoever they choose.
          Long day today. After my third class, I went to St. Patrick's School for my first Peace through Play outing, though this was a non-programming "dry run." Ilana is my coordinator and Chris is in my group also, so I was pretty comfortable with the other volunteers. We took the 45 bus out of Ruggles to the school, which is about 15 minutes away in a slightly sketchy area of Roxbury. I was somewhat put off by the fact that St. Pat's is a Catholic school, which called up shades of CCD. Walking in the door, the first thing we saw was a sign reading, "GOD is the reason for this school." Doing my best to set that aside, I knew I was in the right place when some young children ran by us on the stairs, excitedly calling, "Peace through Play is here!"
          Chilling in the dining hall post-PtP, "Oh What a Night" by Frankie Valli came on and my day was satisfactory. The night ended with a viewing of Pan's Labyrinth -- the third time this year -- with Alaric, Sabrina, Chris and Elliott.
          Quotes of the day:
"'In God We Trust'? It's a huge violation of the Lemon test, but no one has the balls to bring it!" - Professor Urman
"Fordham doesn't provide abortion services. Or birth control prescriptions, because life begins at foreplay." - Professor Urman
"I don't practice Santeria..." - Professor Urman

Granny Gear

          Matt and I were up early to get him to South Station and on to his bus, but to no avail: we got there a few minutes early for a 10:13 bus which had left at 10. Matt was forced to wait until noon to take another; while not the most terrible thing, it was still irritating as all get out. I had to go straight to Peace through Play training from my return until 4:00, creating a nightmarishly long Sunday with no clocks in sight. I'm working at St. Patrick's on Mondays from 3 to 5, making that day the busiest of the week by far (3 classes, programming, PTP meeting). I do get to work under Ilana, my supervisor from last semester, so that should be fun.
          I forgot to mention that on the way to the station, a little old Chinese granny was sitting across from us. She was crocheting (I think) out of a little bag of yarn, and she exited the train at the Chinatown stop. This was an event of great importance. Also, Iris and I are going to record and market a CD of whale songs, performed by us. Keep your ears open.
          Quotes of the day:
"Sometimes there are these insuppressible urges inside of me." - Jaimie
Lauren: "What would you like me to do for you?"
Me: "Everything..."
Lauren: "Want me to back this up?"
Me: "...Yes!"
"They know weakness. They can smell it and they will crush your soul." - Justin, on 10 year olds

Ululating Is Difficult To Pronounce

          This weekend was a heavy one for sleeping. At noon I went to the men's basketball game at Matthews, where in a heated, close game, the Huskies rejected Hofstra 58-51 or so. Clay and I effectively used high-pitched ululations to screw up a foul shot by Hofstra at the end, hopefully setting a precedent for later games. Later, Matt and I hung out with Iris, reading traumatic Cracked articles and listening to traditional Chinese music. Since everyone was out at Snow Ball for the night, I hit the sack early.
          Quote of the day:
"Way back in the day, like ancient Greece and shit, the scholars would get together and wear robes, like, classic Greek... It's a symposium. We all have bowls. No cups allowed. Everyone bring bowls. Everyone bring bowls. Everyone bring bowls." - someone rambling in 8F common

Spy Sappin' My Facebook

          This day was characterized by much sleeping, until later in the day when a dirty hack by Sabrina destroyed the tenuous peace that has existed for some days. While I lay a-slumbering in Iris' room, Iris and Matt stood by as Sabrina bypassed my door, which was bolted open, to viciously hack my Facebook and change my password. Groggy from sleep, I rolled with the punch and wrested her own laptop from her hands in the common room. Alaric and I took refuge in my room, acquired her computer and Facebook passwords and retaliated with our own post. While I concede that Sabrina's move was "more graceful" of a hack, she didn't get to use the phrase, "wrested from her hands." This episode just goes to show that some people will never change, and there is one way to deal with them: be better than them.

This Boy Has No Heart

          My first class was sixty-five minutes of a librarian talking about the Northeastern libraries' internet resources. During this mind-numbing ordeal, we also discovered that the librarian is a cat lady. Her staff photo in the website's sidebar is of her and her cat. Apparently, the "suggestion boxes" are never used for critiques of the site, as planned, but are instead spammed by political science students telling her how much they like her cat. At least my second class was canceled, so I had more time to neurotically clean before Matt's arrival. In my education class, I was informed that I look like John Oliver from the Daily Show. A business major senior in the class also gave me a line on a good co-op, the Institute for Healthcare Improvement. You help to save lives, working with people from a variety of specialties like public policy and healthcare, and there's always free food laying around.
          Alaric, Iris and I went to get Matt from South Station this evening. His trip was long and plagued with an annoying toddler and an obnoxious football fan, so we put our feet up and relaxed. Matt was overwhelmed by the variety of the dining hall, and threw a chunk of wasabi into his mouth before Ben and I could stop him, resulting in a spasm reminiscent of a dry heave. We closed the night with Gangs of New York, a vibrant and impressively done Civil War-era piece.
          Lastly, I owe Alaric my gratitude for a new phrase in my life: "blue balling." Naturally, I'm aware of its original context, but this usage takes it one step further. When a musician fails to enter for a solo or just hits a note or two and quits it, they are said to have blue balled the solo. The three minutes of hysterical laughter were a nice touch to my day.
          Quotes of the day:
"Brain damage! I'm gonna be dumb forever!" - Iris
"It's so finicky, I move it around in my lap and it pops out." - Laura
"Nice move, but I'm one step ahead of you..." - Sean (?)

UD Gets Off Our Lawn

          At the men's basketball game against the University of Delaware Blue Hens (to think I was almost a Blue Hen...) tensions were high. For starters, there were only two trumpets: the dynamic duo of myself and Alanna. Before the game, the band chilled in the office and jammed to Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al" and determined to learn the dance for future use. The game was blistering, the teams within 4 points of each other the entire team. With two seconds left on the clock, the Huskies were losing 60-61; a clutch two point shot by one of our boys won the day. The effect on the crowd in Matthews was stunning. We ate free pizza, brass bro'd it up, and called it a night.
         I have a suggestion for the basketball associations: every time a dunk is performed, the basket should be raised two inches. One Delaware player dunked an obscene number of times. [Editor's note: I guess I never finished this post. Oh well. 10/15/2013]
          Quotes of the day:
"Get off my lawn! Why are you on my lawn?" - Professor Urman, on John McCain
"Excuse me, will you wake him up and tell him to get out? Out." - Professor Urman, 5 minutes later
"I'm such a bad Asian." - Iris
"How'd that plan turn out for ya, dummy?" - me, after a failed dunk by the Blue Hens

Trifling With Truffles

          Professor Feinstein knows Brad, the pianist from television program Glee, on a first name basis. Apparently he's impossible to shut up when he starts talking. That's the second famous person he's mentioned in a very offhand way, hopefully with more to come.
          Iris is knitting a blue and white scarf for me, and her efforts are the definition of tortured. "Did I miss a purl? Did I miss a purl?" ad infinitum. Later, to ease some of the angst left over from Platoon, we watched The Truman Show. Even Heather liked it, truly an accomplishment these days.
          My adventure for the day: Jaimie took me all the way to the Pru on foot in order to pick up a free truffle with her Godiva Rewards Card. Never again will I accept an excuse about how she hasn't got enough time.

Billy Cundiff: Now a Phrase

          First Monday meeting of the semester for Peace through Play! Hooray for peace games and feeling like twelve year olds. Also, Sabrina and I finished our original composition, "Sky Ship," right on time. Most everyone be jelly.
          Quotes of the day:
"They pull some Monopoly shit on you!" - Professor Urman
"I feel like the Billy Cundiff of this game." - a Peace through Player after failing at pseudo-"Simon Says"

Hustlin' Tre

          In yesterday's entry, I forgot to mention the billiards games between Alaric, Sabrina and I after the hockey game. Sabrina was whining about how bad she is in pool, and in the first game of Knockout, I won narrowly after everyone was left with one ball. In the next two rounds she completely hustled us. Afterward, Alaric and I played a couple standard games. I won both, but this was less due to my meager skill and more to his small mistakes.
          My first class was canceled, so my 3 a.m. plow through all the American Government reading for the week made slightly less of an impact on my energy. On my return from class, I found Iris almost certainly up to something secretive. I can usually tell when this is the case by the slamming of about twenty drawers after I knock on the door.
          We had dinner at Stetson today, and Sherbert displayed an uncanny attraction for cookies. The others intervened, and upon questioning Shannon revealed that I'm too far gone for such an intervention. I would also like to comment that the way the soup station is organized there is highly illogical; just to see what the other flavor is, you either have to lean over the salad bar counter or go all the way around the island. To finish the night, Sean, Alaric and I watched Platoon, a rather dark and social commentary-laden movie with rare moments of hilarity. "We need engineers up here!"
          Quotes of the day:
"I never really was on your side..." - me, after Barnes frags Elias in Platoon
"Did he just say 'cheese dick' again?" - Alaric (I think)

The Boston Massacre

          It snowed nicely this morning, and I got to go about my business in my new coat. The first women's hockey game at Northeastern to be filmed by ESPN took place at 2:30. We faced UNH, and it truly was a curbstomp. Our girls smashed them 8-0. It was seriously a Boston Massacre, except the Bostonians weren't on the business end this time. It got to the point where the traditional "you suck" cheers were half hearted, because there wasn't even enough of a conflict to prompt emotional involvement. The band got a lot of play time, and we even did "Hey Baby" twice at the request of some hooligans a row over. I also brought my slide whistle to accompany the anticipated nope.avi moments, though Alanna pinched it early in the game. Drained, I returned to IV to sleep instead of playing at the second hockey game (men's; we lost.) Later, I dropped in on a gathering in Angel's room, then migrated to Iris' room for a while. Sean, Alaric and I finished off the night with some casual Facebook lurking and TF2.
          Quote of the day:
Me: "Rape fortress by day, hostel by night."
Sean: "Wouldn't have it any other way."

Zappy Days

          At my musical class, Professor Feinstein opened up with "Omigod You Guys" from the Legally Blonde musical. I was gripped with both an odd fascination and slight horror. He paired Sabrina and I to work on songs together; presumably, I'll write lyrics and she'll set them. Luckily for her, I believe that the free expression of art shouldn't be stifled by conflict, so we can set aside most of our differences (though all the lyrics may secretly be about how much better I am.) After class we snagged breakfast and I drank milk for the first time in a while. Having it on tap is just a bit sketchy for me. I then trolled Sabrina into running up the stairs with me.
          To burn time until 6:30, I took a completely unintentional and totally refreshing nap in Iris' room, barely waking up in time to leave. About twenty of us convened at the band office in Curry and then departed for Laser Quest in West Roxbury (I think.) Part of the way there is on a street that the T actually runs on. Predictably, this ended with our car tailgating the T and, more frighteningly, the T tailgating someone else's car. During the most hair raising part of the ride, we were driving neck and neck with the train about a foot to our left and a line of parked cars a foot to the right.
          At Laser Quest, we got a room titled "Lost Land," where there was a blacklight and a big mural of a dinosaur. Waiting in line, we were entertained by some young kids hustling the basketball throw arcade machine; one kid was pushing on the balls from the outside with a coat hanger to make them roll back down, while another actually crawled into the machine to draw them out. The two games we played were great fun. In the first it was our group plus two random people, bringing our total to 22 players. Under the name "Big McLargeHuge," mercilessly abbreviated to "BIGMCLRGHG," I dominated the match, taking second. The second game was a complete disaster by comparison; we were joined by twelve random people, putting me at rank 18 of 32. I drowned my sorrows in pizza from Target Pizza (oh yeah) and Coke. A fun night indeed.
          Quotes of the day:
"There are definitely hustlers in laser tag." - Andy
"I'm gonna have a degree in four months. I'm gonna play laser tag!" - Tim
"Who likes to touch buns and boop them?" - Lauren
"GOOFY GOOBER ROCK!" - Laura and Lauren

The Trojan War

          Late this evening, the Declaration of Rage was posted. The bro-gentlemen of the ninth floor, in conjunction with J-Rex, are now in a state of war against Sabrina and her supporters. Deciding to take it easy, Alaric, Sean, Chris, Angel, Iris and I decided to watch Batman Begins, quoting a great deal of the lines ("I hope you're not a member of the fire brigade!") and making merry. Pro-Sabrina individuals attempted a snowball attack on my room, but were swiftly beaten back with a skilled door slam by me, as well as expert intelligence gathering by Ben. The credits of the movie had a great Easter egg for us, too: "Jerry Pfister."
          Quotes of the day:
"That was most impressive." - Alaric
"My parents are dead." - all of us, replacing lines from the movie

For Whom the Smell Trolls

          Interesting phenomenon: the elevators in IV always seem to be somewhat scented. In just the past few days I've detected very particular fragrances in various elevators, including Chinese food, spilled beer, a floral arrangement, cloying perfume, fast food, and on one memorable occasion, weed. Perhaps it's the natural evolution of elevator music: elevator aroma.
          There are two quite regal British girls who sit together in my American Government class -- "conspiring," as Professor Urman would have it. Today, they were informally appointed to represent the United Kingdom for the rest of the course. Specifically, in today's class they talked about how in the British classroom, the American Revolution is very much swept under the rug.
          There is a girl in one of my classes with a horrid upward inflection. Listening to her speak is simply enraging. That is all I have to say on that subject. Later in the class I had a sudden, piercing memory of vivid fall days at Mills Mansion, running in cross country meets through the deep forests of New York. Of all the things I miss about home, I feel the absence of that time the most.
          Only in college moment of the day -- three girls sitting next to Heather, Kassie and me in the dining hall produce a ukulele and strum away in turn. I then ate a lot of sushi. Jaimie and I later went to the men's basketball game against Georgia State University in historic Matthews Arena this evening. My first Rageous Band foray into men's basketball, I was not disappointed. The Huskies won the blistering game 60-56, though my spirits were somewhat dampened by having to return to Curry to turn in my polo after walking to IV. Lastly, life news: I am quite happy to announce that Iris and I are dating. Expect the usual Mandarin jokes and fireman's carries.
          Quotes of the day:
[on the French & Indian War] "I know it's hard to think about, but at one point France posed a military threat... to any part of the world. Boom!" - Professor Urman
"Djibouti! Write about the earthquakes! Shake Djibouti!" - Laura, having a moment

Raging Tremont

          Sabrina and I had a nice long chat following our class in musicals, which concluded when I fell asleep. However, owing to her antics with my card last night, Alaric and I have drafted a "Declaration of Rage" against Sabrina. The list of grievances is formidable. Great machinations have been put into play, and they will stop for no one. The game is on. No quarter will be given.
          I finally got around to subscribing to the New York Times for my American Government class. Thirty-five dollars well spent, I hope. Now to power through Wednesday and Thursday, complete my self-interview for Education in the Community and I'm almost through.

These Hits Is Criti-Cool

          Snow at last. It snowed Halloween night and never again, and now it's coming down in force. Outside IV, college students scamper about like they were young 'uns. Several ninth floor residents headed out to join the snowball fights. Two teams of fifteen or twenty people were throwing volleys back and forth; I watched in amazement as one, entrenched behind wooden barricades and bike racks, went over and around them and threw themselves into the other team with a battle cry. Naturally this was the team that we joined forces with. In later charges we tended to aim for one guy in particular, who was wearing a red vest. Alaric, Sean and I also had a The Good, the Bad, the Weird Mexican standoff, Tasha (a Floridian) had her first romp in the snow ever, and people built snow penises. We teamed up on Sherbert, calling, "What sick man send babiez to fight me?" The aforementioned gents finished the fight by making two snowballs each and backstabbing one person on our team, a guy with a loud orange jacket. Several men from the team gave chase and we narrowly made it inside, but not before taking a few hits around the back and arms.
          Earlier, a few of us gathered to watch Winnie the Pooh: The Search For Christopher Robin, again taking advantage of the VHS machine in the basement. My childhood flashed before my eyes as I took in the great music and animation. Unlike Disney films, it was quite devoid of sneaky adult humor, which is a plus or a minus depending on one's mood.
          Quotes of the day:
"NO PRISONERS!" - a random guy in the snowball fight
"It's snowing so hard... on my dick!" - another random guy, having built a snow penis
"You're not getting any skinnier!" - yet another random guy, as we threw snowballs at girls behind the window by the ellipticals in the gym

This Means War

          Rose has fired the first shot in a war of aggression against our movie nights, hosting one of her own. She chose a very cultured foreign film. Naturally, shit was on like Donkey Kong, and about twenty of us retaliated by using the VHS and projector in the basement to screen Hercules and then The Aristocats in lounge wear. Needless to say, the battle was won. I must say that the former ties with The Hunchback of Notre Dame for my favorite Disney soundtrack; both are 95% good. ("A Guy Like You" - Hunchback, "One Last Hope" - Hercules.) As for the second movie... the sexual innuendos now apparent are sidesplitting. See the scene where Edgar tickles Napoleon the dog, among others. Additionally, there's the unbelievably racist portrayal of the Siamese cat. He plays the piano with chopsticks.
          Quotes of the day:
Me: "If any of you math majors break up with your calculators, I've got one that'll keep you company for the weekend. It's a TI-...ridiculous, and it can do anything."
Sean: "Anything, you say?"
Which just goes to show that comedic timing is very important.
Also: "We're going classic! We're going Greek on this shit!" - Meredith
And: "I can't go to sleep unless my feet are at the right temperature." - Iris

Stock Footage From the Finale of Ghostbusters

          I joined the Rageous Band in the outing to Frozen Fenway this afternoon. Frozen Fenway is a series of hockey games in a temporary rink set up in Fenway Park, which are played between Boston College, Northeastern, Harvard and Boston University. It was bitter cold, the band had to stand for nearly the entire game and we lost 3-2 besides, but it was worth it. We were up against BC, who wins nearly every year, but our team fought hard. At the beginning the BC and NU bands played together on the ground in Fenway Park, which was a great sense of camaraderie. We played "The Impression That I Get," "Carry On My Wayward Son" (the same one we played in the Saugerties pep rallies!), and "Sweet Caroline." In the stands, BC got a lot more playing time but we were far superior in quality. In one particular song, we shared a hearty laugh as all their trumpets bottomed out simultaneously and they failed the climactic moment of a song. We left warm-hearted but unable to feel our digits. I also got a free pizza and free Northeastern hat. We also wore new Stay-Puft marshmallow coats, but we had to return those.

Sucks To BU

          Running on just four or five hours of sleep, I expected that Professor Feinstein's class on musicals at 9:50 would knock me out. I was mistaken. Walking in, I was greeted by the strains of the eponymous opening number to "In the Heights." I sang the piece in its entirety under my breath, and the professor reminded us to bring in music to play at the beginning of every class. Feinstein himself is pretty amusing. He's not so much comedic as slightly quirky and enjoyable to listen to. Also, he knows the guy who wrote the "Legally Blonde" musical, Larry O'Keefe!
          Iris' friends Cristina, Christina, and Eve visited today. They were eager accomplices to Alaric and I in our remodeling of her room, and are as bullying as me, if not as profane.
          Our spirits still burgeoning from the miraculous basketball victory, Sabrina, Jaimie, Alaric and I went into the hockey game with high hopes. Northeastern versus Boston University: the rivalry would be sizzling. At first, the game was impressive. Nearly all of the first period went by before the Huskies scored twice in quick succession. The second period got nasty as all sorts of fouls occurred and BU scored three times to solidify a lead. The last period brought another BU goal and a somewhat conciliatory NU goal, and the Huskies lost 3-4. There were a few memorable moments, however. One Husky lost his stick while defending the goal, two guys down due to penalties; rather than picking it up, he ignored it and blocked a vicious shot on goal by dropping to his knees. Another NU player threw himself in front of the puck to stop another shot in the third period, a hilarious move indeed. Rawlings, our goalie, had quite a few nope.avi moments himself. The first shot he deflected was knocked askew with an almost nonchalant shift of his stick; another was stricken from the air with the speed and grace of a ninja. The other good point of the game was our obtainment of some thrifty swag: one-dollar black shirts with BEAT BU in bold white.
          During the part when the red carpet is rolled out for the singer of the national anthem, Jaimie texted me, "I expect you to roll out that red carpet for me after you open the door for me from now on." So, we did. Alaric and I rushed back from the game, running up and down the halls on the ninth floor and banging on doors. "Bring all the red clothing and blankets you have. We'll explain on the way!" In a matter of about six minutes we built a nice red carpet leading from Jaimie's door to the elevators. Chris, Alaric and I, all clad in dark jeans, Beat BU shirts and black sneakers with white soles, served as security. After a heroic attempt by Ben at stalling her in the stairwell, Jaimie appeared to behold the carpet. Alaric quickly took her clarinet and purse, and Chris helped with her shoes. I took Jaimie's coat and swiped her card, and we ushered her into her room. I suppose this all goes to show that if ye ask ye shall receive. Or to be careful what you wish for.
          The downer of a defeat to BU didn't stop lots of people from throwing ragers, resulting in a lot of noise in the hall and people getting babysat. Meanwhile, Ryan, Alaric and myself performed the first deck workout of the spring semester, which went pretty quickly. I DJ'd with some TF2 remixes at first, and then Alaric took over with dubstep. Post-workout, Meredith, Lauren, Laura, Alaric and myself watched most of When Harry Met Sally and thoughtfully discussed the dynamism of sexual tension between male and female friends and whether it impacts the strength of their relationship.
          Quotes of the day:
"You have to become an idea!" - Alaric (quoting Ra's al Ghul)
"If I'm right, I won't let ignorance lie." - Meredith
"Someone's definitely trying to get laid." - a passerby, looking at Jaimie's red carpet

Fist Gods Are Credit To Team

          One last 9:15 Comparative Politics to power through for the week, and I made it all right. As usual, American Politics was a real delight, and Education in the Community consisted almost exclusively of various service-learning community partners explaining their work. The true catharsis would not come until the evening, however.
          Six o'clock, call time for the pep band this particular day, drew near. My heart was heavy. A women's basketball game: that almost certainly meant a minuscule showing by the fans, the band and very likely the team (see: about a 2-12 record this season). Quickly, Mason gained on the Huskies, getting up to a sixteen point lead. The outcome looked bleak. Suddenly, the greatest fist gods of the universe smiled down upon us. With less than five minutes left, the Husky girls pulled a twenty point comeback and blew away Mason 58-54. A few gangsta-looking guys jumped down from the bleachers and danced on the court. I was pleased by the intensity and ultimate reward of the game beyond my wildest dreams, and everything just seemed great after that.
          Quotes of the day:
"In 1973, in Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court ruled that a woman's right to terminate her Presidency... wait." - Professor Urman
"Plaxico Burress went to jail for shooting himself in the thigh while wearing sweats in a club. There are a lot of problems built into that...sweats...the gun...the club." - Professor Urman
"Who's traveled lately? Haven't got this much action in years! He's like, 'Sorry bro,' and I'm like, 'What're you talking about? This is great!' When you get married you'll understand." - Professor Urman

Butt Pillows 'R Us

          I met my Comparative Politics instructor for the first time today, and she's got an accent, as expected. I can't quite pin it down, but it's not overwhelmingly strong so I'm content. Hearing "realm" pronounced "ree-alm" is a bit confusing, though. Also, at one point she said, "Feminists tend to look at politics in a more positive way." Hopefully that's as far as that discussion will go. In my next class, the fire alarm went off and we missed some of class waiting for Boston Fire to show up. We did get to watch MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech -- the most famous segment of which was improvised -- and George Carlin's riff on the American Dream, confirming Professor Urman's bro status. Between the two I heard two of my favorite quotes in some time.
"It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." - George Carlin
"No, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream!" - Martin Luther King, Jr.
          I heard a simply astounding phrase today: "bro-it-all." Expect me to work it into conversation whenever possible.
          Laura and I are forming a band called Sykobyo. Check out our MySpace.
          Jaimie and I put up several of Iris' origami shirts on a little clothesline with Iris-sized clothespins. We walked her into my room blindfolded to show her. She claimed to be "a fan," which is a mystifying choice of words. Perhaps she knows that we'll hang her up to dry on that clothesline if she acts up.
          Around 10:45, Meredith, Alaric, Sabrina and her friend Rebecca joined me to watch Full Metal Jacket. Lauren then led us in a balloon-carrying birthday charge on Jenny, who was supposed to be asleep. She wasn't, so our mission of stealth shifted gears into one of balloon throwing. Post-balloons, Meredith, Alaric and I dozed on my bed and discussed dinosaurs, chloroform and butt pillows.
          Quotes of the day: [trailing] "My airflow wasn't properly proportioned...." - Laura
"She's developing Heather Syndrome..." - Alaric
[talking about MLK] "He was distracted by the fire alarm and the large, axe-wielding man. ...Yeah, he was a big guy! Every fire team has an axe man, remember that. He doesn't say much, but the axe does the talking." - Professor Urman
"That Bobble has more of a filter than she does." - me
"They'd be Renaissance dinosaurs." - Meredith
"It's really loud. It always moans after I drink out of it." - Lauren B

Cutting Tool Safety

          Musicals class today was relatively interesting, and we're going to get to watch Sweeney Todd as part of an assignment. Some of the others' favorite musicals included Urinetown and Rent, but there was a Phantom of the Opera plug in there that made me cringe a little bit. Outside of that class it was a pretty nondescript day, and since my sleeping schedule is way off I think I'll go to bed early tonight.
           Quotes of the day: "Yes, I hid my knife in my fucking vagina. That seems really safe and also really fun." - Amy
"wtf, how many spies do they have?!" - an unnamed TF2 player as his team was violated by me and just one other Spy

Finger Chopper 2.0

          First day of classes in the spring semester! Everything went all right, excluding missing my first class due to alarm malfunction. My second political science instructor of the day is very well-spoken, loves debate and is rather funny, so I look forward to his class. My education teacher is something of an authoritarian hippie -- you know, "diversity or else" -- and is reputed to really pile on the work in amounts disproportionate to such an unspecialized pre-req, but she seems pleasant at least. There's nothing great about my schedule, but nothing bad either. Three classes M/W/R 9:15-11:35 and 1:35-2:40 and only one T/F from 9:50-11:30, and that's my class on the technical aspects of musicals with my good friend Sabrina.
          It seems that my thermostat has been toyed with. It was at the coldest position prior to break, and during my lunch break today I detected an uncomfortable warmth. The thermostat had been set to about 3/4 of the way up to max heat, which can only mean there are leprechauns about. Troubled times lay ahead if this mischief is to continue. Also, I slept for about five hours in Iris' room, and she gave me a horrifying drawing of a finger chopping teddy bear. Truly, it is the stuff of nightmares.
          I complete this entry at 4 a.m. Alaric is asleep on my bed, the lights are on and I'm decorating. I may not sleep and just take some rest after my one class. For the past two or three hours, Sean and I went hard on the TF2 -- SODA POPPAN, SCOUTBROAN, DEMOKNIGHTAN, etc. Before that, Jaimie failed to watch a movie and Alaric, Sean, Meredith, Lauren and I took Esquire's "How Much of a Man Are You" quiz. Meredith received 49 points, giving her the designation of "three quarters of a man" and one point away from full man status. The rest of us, outside of Sean, were informed that "there are men and there are men, and we belong to both categories." Sean, meanwhile, has a copy of 50 Cent's The 50th Law on order.
          Today was a brilliant one for quotes.
"Someday I'm going to throw a gauntlet, because I've done it metaphorically so many times." - Sean
"'Alone': Now a verb!" - Sean
"Layin' the labels on the tables" - Alaric
"Northeastern's gone from in the 750s to, like, 62nd in U.S. News and World Report. This school's kicking ass." - Professor Urman
"College is expensive. Drugs and alcohol are still invented, the economy is terrible, street prices aren't going down and I don't want to get between you and your relaxation." - Professor Urman

Always Returning

          As expected, IV was absolutely flooded with returning students today. Scott was the first to visit, disturbing my slumber around 2 p.m. After rousting myself, I went over to Jackie and Shannon's room, where about a thousand people were gathered. I found this a bit of a sensory overload and removed to Iris' room, where she and I talked for a couple hours. J-Rex appeared and I left my entire VHS tape collection in her room, at which point she reciprocated by gifting me my very own story basket! It's about an inch in diameter and Jaimie could fill it in about half a story's time. Sabrina kicked off another semester of great massage with a wonderful head rub, and Lauren tried and failed to hack my blog.
          Aside: Van Halen is getting back together! And no Van Hagar nonsense, David Lee Roth is coming back and everything. I'd like to hear what comes of this. And even see them on tour, if possible...
          Quotes of the day:
"It's a really interesting sensation! It's like wearing a short-sleeved shirt, but with sleeves!" - Sabrina
"It looks so cool, like totally sciencey, like cells and shit. But don't worry, I know what fractals are." - Heather
"'Most Influential Haircuts'? They make a list for that?" - Shannon, reading Us magazine

Tremont Squads Up

          My father and I had a straight shot to Boston this morning. We made it in just about three hours, with traffic appreciably light. Just walking into my room provided some catharsis. My heart is overflowing with gladness to be here. It's rather silent at this point, though; tonight I've only seen Puja and Salim (Ben's new roommate), though I know Tasha's floating about somewhere.
          Matt's talking about coming out to visit during Regents week, which is about two weeks from today. We're going to party like there's no tomorrow, so get your bodies ready.

          Update: Rose and Heather are back! It's a Colorado one-two.
          Update: I met my new RA, Emily, who seems like a total sweetie. And Sumayah and Carisa are back as well, so huzzah for down-the-hall friends.
          Update: Sean and Alaric are back. At last, the Bro-ening is begun.

          Heather, Alaric, Sean and I watched Pulp Fiction, which was met with general appreciation. According to Mia Wallace, the black girl in Fox Force Five is a demolitions expert. Sound familiar? Later, Sean and I played TF2 for a long, long time while Alaric teetered on the brink of a coma. Tomorrow will be overwhelming with everyone returning at once, so a relatively quiet night is a blessing indeed.

Empire State Goodbye

          My last day in New York was a troubling one. My parents were relentless in criticizing every aspect of the way I live and operate. My mother was particularly vicious, telling me that my grandfather is in the hospital and implying that it's somehow my fault because I sleep a lot. I couldn't go for half an hour without someone nagging or tongue lashing, and I'm pretty worn out from it.
          I escaped as best I could, concentrating on constructing a boss-tier playlist for my return to online TF2. Later, I melted next to a good sized bonfire and forgot about the world for a while, just watching the billowing smoke and licks of flame. I was comfortable, encompassed by a swathe of warmth and listening to the wood pop and crack. This reminds me of everything I miss when I'm at Northeastern, but I'm more at home in Boston than I am here, now.

Just a Thing Or Two I Picked Up At Granny Camp

          So it seems that Iris is going to put her granny skills to the test and knit underwear for me. Blue and white stripes with pink octopi. It will be absolutely grand. Also, we're selling Iris dolls, so keep your eyes peeled for those in your local toy store. Bendable limbs! Room cleaning skills! Outfits to mix and match! It's the next Tickle Me Elmo. I might pee from all this excitement.
          I visited the high school today to help out with French Club, having been president two years running. First I stopped in to bother Van der Poel, who greeted me with his usual mixture of sarcasm and "you knucklehead" attitude. At the meeting we watched a French equivalent of Mean Girls (though they often use very Anglicized French -- "Yo, Freddy boy!") and I chilled with Madame Gore, Ashleigh, Emily, Raven and Fallows, respectively. I even squeezed in a quick visit with Cacchillo, where we mostly abused the Republican presidential candidates, finished each other's sentences and made fun of Ian. The remainder of my day consisted of a nice nap in a rocking chair by the woodstove, feet up. I also just realized: my nap at Katharine's was unlicensed, so that's one more for the count.

Need a Dispensah Here

          This was me today. After months of darkness I finally replaced the lightbulbs in my room. I then kept the wood stove stoked, moved a ton of dishes, made sure my college bills were in order, dug up the VCR, organized my room, mailed Iris a letter, read the seeds of Matt's new story, bought my mother chocolates for her birthday, got little gifts for a few Huskies, figured out how to make anti-sliding pads for my bed, read a letter from my aunt Kathy, got an eye exam and new glasses, withdrew some guap from the bank, had a family dinner out and then went over to Katharine's, all while entertaining Iris via text. And all of this in time to go to bed at ten o'clock. To conclude: I do work.
          Apologies to Katharine, whose man cave I passed out in after a brief round of the Cow Game. I was up for about twenty hours at that point and my strength was totally sapped. Which is a funny choice of words considering the above image. I digress.

          Some pretty funny stuff happened today. At my appointment, I was greeted by a new optometrist named Dr. Brown. He loves to talk, and was especially hyped on their less than two week old machine, a device which actually photographs the inside of your eye. Dr. Brown showed me these images, which I met with an odd combination of fascination and total squick. "Look! There are all the blood vessels coming out of your blind spot! It's kind of like a hole in the back of your eye." He pulled up my patient records, and there was a spot that said "Iris Category," and for a moment I was like, "what does she have to do with this?"
          Later, he explained my myopic vision in terms that made me feel like a Viking badass. "Do you know why you wear glasses? Not just because your eyes need correction, but the actual reason why? You wear them because in your DNA, from your conception, your eyes were destined to be too powerful." I swear that my muscles rippled a little bit at that one.
          I replaced my old glasses with an updated prescription, though the frame is similar. I've always had a bit of a fantasy about finding big, chunky glasses that look good on me, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards. I might get a pair of prescription aviators, though, so any glasses-related discontent would surely vanish in that event.

          I got Ryan a holographic 100-piece puzzle for Christmas, specifically the Death Star trench run scene from Star Wars. "Oh ho," you think. "A hundred pieces! How childish!" It turned out to be the kids' puzzle from hell. It took the combined abilities of Ryan, my mother and I to assemble it and we took about forty minutes. This was complicated by the inability of the others to comprehend the holographic effect, and the strictly earth-and-fire-tone-only nature of the puzzle.
          We had dinner at the newly renovated Red Lobster, which now has a surprisingly upscale atmosphere. Dinner was going smoothly as I gobbled down garlic butter roll after roll, when I received a fateful text from Ian: "Guy to my front right looks like akon". I stole a glance, and truly, a god walked among us. Akon's body double was wining and dining a lady in the next booth.
          On the way home, my father talked about a call he got with a work offer. "So-and-so was on the phone. He works in drilling and blasting." Ian and I exchanged a look. What an amazing job description! Just think about it. "I work in an office." "I'm in the business of drilling and blasting." "Well, my company analyzes risk in the stock market." "I drill and blast." It must be hard to walk with such enormous balls.

The Greatest Nap In History

          Having not slept a wink after returning from my excursion with Brian, I went about my day, sort of. I moved a bit of firewood and listened to one of my father's long philosophical tangents. This one was about the nefarious rise of "do-goodism" and about how his enemies are regret and all of Osama bin Laden's relatives. This was followed by a brief nap of maybe an hour, where I finally employed the tactic of playing classical orchestral music to knock myself out. It always worked at the Symphony, as Iris and Scott can tell you.
          This was only a prelude to a nap, in fact. I got up for a tuna melt with tomato soup and then took an incredibly long nap, again fueled by a few concertos. This one lasted from around half past four to one in the morning. I love getting up this early, but only when it happens by accident. Hopefully all the extra time will spur me to accomplish some tasks that need doing.

Wal-Mart Skateboarding

          After about six missed connections, Brian and I finally hung out. We drove around for a while, wandering around the mall in Kingston and stopping in at Taco Bell, where we ran into Nick. We played some Mafia 2 at Brian's for a while, and then walked into the village to get elevated. He filled me in on all his experiences at SUNY Plattsburgh and his summer work at Camp Tri-Mount (I put in three summers there).

          Brian - A best friend of a different kind. Brian and I don't spent as much time together as we used to, but we go back a very long way. Our friendship is remarkably resilient, though it might actually help that we're not in each other's hair all of the time. To listen to him you'd think he hates every song on the radio, but he knows all the words to every one. Proceedings get serious when volleyball is concerned.

          Nick - Originally "that one girl's older brother," graduating two years ahead of me, Nick and I grew to be fast friends. I played trumpet in his punk band The Good Fight (later Bears With Guns) and he introduced me to some awesome music. He is responsible for the words "thugnificent" and "nyaga". He still skateboards and runs a surprisingly lucrative start-up of a record label out of his room. And he's a vegetarian who works at Taco Bell.

They Call Him "Shortpost Walks-With-Thunder"

          The weather here is unbelievable. It's raining! Another generally quiet day; cue flashback to my old journal entries. Matt and I have laid plans for this Friday at Primetime, a club near New Paltz; hopefully this pans out. That would be a pleasant goodbye to my hometown, indeed.