Spending Your Entire Life In a White Van

          Logan I stayed over at Matt's tonight, and we had a grand evening. First, we held a critique of Matt's sophomore Honors English children's story, The Ice Wanderer. Anyone who suffered through that class will recall the absolutely batty lady who taught it and complicated everything at least threefold. I did enjoy the ambient lighting (white Christmas lights all over!), soothing music and pre-class "grounding" sessions. (Example: "Close your eyes. You are sitting by a river, and a raft floats up and stops near you. You get on the raft..." These were actually very relaxing.) Anyway, Matt's story was a thousand times better articulated and illustrated, if a bit more lacking in humor and sophisticated ebony pencil sketches. The three of us lampooned the frighteningly inaccurately drawn characters, portrayed in marker, while being confused by the plot and reimagining key scenes. I also found out that a mutual acquaintance is currently designing ties for Kanye West, which is pretty cool.
          The main event of the evening turned out to be a rousing game of Life. At the start of the game, I was a college-educated artist making $70,000, Matt a college-educated cop (the most annoying game breaker in Life) making $100,000, and Logan an educated accountant pulling in $90,000. During the course of the game, that $100K salary card traded hands more often than a hooker at a New Year's party. Quickly, we settled into roles; I, the philanthropic yet pimping artist; Matt, the corrupt police lieutenant and reckless driver; and Logan, the banker and general money man. We also made sure to houserule everything. At one point I held five or six stocks out of ten before Logan found a rule stating that I could only own one. Spinning a 10 not only meant that you were caught speeding, arrested and forced to pay Matt $5K for some reason, your careless behavior resulted in a crash and the death of a person in the vehicle. For Matt, this resulted in five marriages: 3 dead, 1 fashioned into a computer, and 1 extant (Logan's daughter, apparently some sort of slave.) For me, it resulted in four live-in girlfriends, all in one trailer; after some heated debate, we decided that their identities were [redacted], [redacted], [redacted] and [redacted]. Hookers were also involved in some capacity at one point, we argued over who was the most soulless, and rewarded ourselves with money from the bank. Post-game, my brothers fell asleep to Waking Life, whereupon I finished watching it and knocked myself out with classical music.
          Quotes of the day:
"Scott Pilgrim is played by a mentally impaired baby seal, I mean Michael Cera." - Matt
"Does it smell like farts?" - Logan
"We're friends, right Matt? We go way back. And I forgive you for everything, now that I make more money than you." - me
"I will sell you my daughter, now at a ripe age, for $10,000... Every other turn." - Logan
"She was my Communion partner. We've been bonded by the Holy Ghost." - Logan
...
Kate D: "Ooh, are they hot?"
Donna: "They're XY chromosome."
...
Logan: "What the fuck is he wearing?"
Matt: "He's a surfer."
Logan and I: "...in the winter?!"
...
Logan: "You lost your wife, and your husband is computer."
Matt: "It's funny how life works sometimes."

Fridays At the Park

          I went to Poet's Walk with Camille and Sara this afternoon. It was a tad hot, but otherwise beautiful out, and we enjoyed the nature walk. We spent a lot of time at the Summer House gazebo, just watching the river and sky. Mostly we discussed college life and caught up on happenings at home, as well as just relaxing, eating and telling stories. I've missed fighting constantly with Camille, and it's good that we're hanging out again. Later, Brian and I first ran to Hess for donuts and snacks (a foresighted move, if I may say so) and then decided to restart our game of Donkey Kong Country. After repeatedly bumping into the console and freezing the game, though, we called it quits and just talked and listened to music for a while.
          Quotes of the day:
"You know it's a Friday afternoon when he hands me the credit card and tells me to get a 12-pack and ice." - Billy
"You're a stone cold killer, man. You don't like bugs very much." - Billy, after I crept up on and killed a fly
"Dude, I am so disappointed in this radio station playing Call Me Maybe." - Brian

Strange Busfellows

          A bear ran across the road again while I headed to the Red Onion this evening. Unusual behavior, seeing as bears are rarely out in the daylight at all in this area. There was a weird moment when I was polishing silverware and humming "Santeria" when Gina (my mother's friend's twin) commented that it was "one of her faves" and that it reminded her of her college days. I'm not sure how comfortable I am being tight with someone that's also my mother's good friend.
          Quotes of the day:
"Would it be too crass to ask for ketchup?" - Customer G
"Andy, would you hang out with me in the lunch room if we were in high school together?" - Ray

Evening Falls On the Watering Hole

          I was late to my day job for the first time today. Getting up at 7:30 simply doesn't agree with me, unless I get a huge amount of sleep. The rest of my shift crawled, but I took heart when I thought of Ciano's words of encouragement last summer. In the evening, Katie caught me on Facebook chat (I'm practically a unicorn on there) and we had a nice discussion about what'll be baked for me due to a certain someone not being able to visit me for my birthday. She also indicated some interest in trying out TF2, which pleases me. Afterward, I went to Brian's, where the two of us were joined by Josh and Summer to watch Chronicles of Riddick. I've seen bits and pieces of this film over the years and it's fun to watch, though Vin Diesel is as wooden as a wooden object. I particularly enjoy Colm Feore as the Lord Marshal (soft spot for villains) and Thandie Newton as Dame Vaako (soft spot for babes.) Recommended if you feel like an action-packed sci-fi flick with a bit of humor, intentional and otherwise.
          Quotes of the day:
"I wanna go with Josh. Girls pee together." - Summer
"She just came from the watering hole." - Brian

Wild Cougar Sighting

          The only mildly interesting thing that occurred today involved having fun while arranging bread bowls at work. I guess I'm pretty good at it. Also, a middle-aged lady was hitting on me while I cleaned her table, if I'm not mistaken.
          Quotes of the day:
"You really work that. Work that table." - Customer E
"Did you tell him your whole family Googled him and looked up the segment of True Blood he was in?" - Customer F

The Brooks Cryfest

Brooks ;_;

          Work was a bit enraging today. After polishing a pipe down to the finest grade, a multitude of nearly-invisible scratches appeared on it, sending me back three steps and adding a few days to the time it'll take me to complete the pipe. There was also a massive storm that turned on us briefly, so we had to shut down the grinders in case of a lightning strike. Later, I went to a party at Matt's (missing the hat game and a water balloon fight, tragically) where I joined in a few rounds of ninja and the cow game. Later, Brian and I watched The Shawshank Redemption, one of my favorite movies and another shining example of Morgan Freeman's acting ability.

Born Critics

          Today was nondescript, except that Catt and her family and boyfriend came to eat at the Red Onion, presumably as a graduation dinner. I grew increasingly jealous of their table after they began discussing classic cinema and I couldn't participate. After work, Brian and I started with a fresh game: Super Mario World. I don't mind it, but Donkey Kong is considerably better.
          Quote of the day:
Customer C: "Josh Brolin has those rabbit eyebrows."
Customer D: "Who are you, Barbra Streisand?"

Unpleasantries

          After getting home around 5:30 A.M. from our Primetime excursion, I stumbled inside and crawled into bed, slumbering until 4 in the afternoon. At work in the evening, I had a strange experience during which I entered the kitchen and Chef was describing Charon, the boatman of the underworld. Afterward, I stayed over at Brian's, where after beating Donkey Kong Country, we decided to put in a movie. Having already watched parts one and two, we took a chance on The Godfather, Part III. That film is an atrocity against its trilogy and cinema in general. It is not just bad in comparison; it is truly terribad. I actually winced! I consider this to be my poorest movie choice ever.
          Quotes of the day:
"Oh you fancy! Oh you fancy! I got fiddy dolla. I got fiddy dolla. Andy, you're gonna get one dollar of that." - Kate D
"Dressed for midnight golf?" - Dr. M
"You have to keep your enemies close. You have to know the words to songs you hate, so you can bitch about why they're bad." - Brian

Good Vibrations

          Today, I got out of work at 11:45 to get to a dentist's appointment. Though my teeth aren't as well-kept as they were during my childhood, I've never minded the dentist much. I find it somewhat relaxing, in fact, and though I'm petrified of needles, receiving Novocaine only frightens me a bit. After the appointment (a routine checkup) I delivered on a raffle on TF2R, where I offered the winner any item on Steam worth $10 or less. The winner chose a game, Sonic 4 Episode 1, and explained that he had played all of the Sonic games with his mother as a kid. He said he wanted this one so they could play together again, and I felt great purchasing it for him. This feeling epitomizes why people like raffling on TF2R.
          Around 11, Matt, Amanda and I ventured out for my first clubbing experience. We went out to Primetime, a gay club located near Highland. Jaimie and I had previously agreed to meet there, but she decided not to come, so we met up with a few of Matt's friends from work. As it turned out, I was sick, tired, and there seemed to be a great shortage of straight/danceable girls in the club. The drag show, the last of the season because the place is closing next week, was incredible. I was truly astounded by the energy and skill (for the most part) of the drag queens, especially the reigning "Miss Primetime," a 62-year old queen. My personal favorite performed a two-song Pat Benatar/Journey set. Matt and I assigned names to interesting people in the club for easy reference. See below for a list. After entertaining ourselves in this way, I decided that I was in no mood to dance and opted to take a nap instead (not in the club.)
Vest - A vaguely Peter Parker-esque guy wearing a vest who danced around by himself on the floor in the hope of attracting partners.
Camcorder - A tall, creepy, bald guy who looked a bit like a bird and spent the night filming people.
Angeltongue - An aloof guy who rejected Vest and seemed like kind of a dick.
Hat of Wonder and Brilliance - A black gentleman wearing a visor. Otherwise uninteresting, but dat visor.
Better Days - A middle-aged lady who danced around with herself and a beer in the hope of attracting partners. She and Vest even danced for a minute.
Dat - A frightening-looking girl wearing one of those "look at my pubes" dresses. Poor Amanda got a glimpse of her anus in an awful, awful moment.
Scar Cage Guy - A nerdy-looking guy with an impressive scar on his stomach who hung back for a long time, and then got up in a cage and danced. Matt's friend apparently knew him from elementary school.
Judas - A guy who I thought was straight at first, but then stepped onto the stage, at which point I realized he was dressed like a member of Judas Priest.
The Happy Family - A genuinely off-putting family(!); an off-putting mother and father who hung out on the side, and an even more off-putting daughter wearing a dress with capris and sneakers. These are strange times indeed.
          After Matt and Amanda had had their fill for the night, we went to Wal-Mart for Lunchables. Those are a great example of something that seemed awesome when we were kids, and are now not all that great, but still carry a nostalgia factor. Also, Capri-Suns were and still are delicious. While there, we ran into our friend Megan and one of her coworkers, I had my first RC Cola (cheap out of a vending machine, but not cold) and I bought myself 3 movies for $15.
          Quotes of the day:
"I'm tired of being the pussywolf." - Matt
"Inflection, bitch!" - me
"I bought a strap-on today!" - Amanda, with 2 cops nearby
"My vagina's gorgeous all the time. I'm a lesbian, it's the moneymaker." - Amanda
"Bitches love Bacon paintings." - Amanda
"I had fourteen Slippery Nipples at a New Year's Eve party." - Amanda
"What if they made mini missiles for kids and called them Launchables?" - me
"Balto plays really good as medic!" - random TF2 player, improving my day

Work Daze Redux

          I am very sick and I am stretched very, very thin. My voice is nothing more than a hoarse whisper, and though my nose is running less than it has been, I've developed a nasty hacking cough. It was another extremely hot day, and I must say that I am more tired of classic rock than i have ever been in my life. I was bumping the volume on my iPod (over-ear headphones and all) and the Jackson 5 (and accompanying horns) cut through everything I tried to listen to. In a more pleasant moment, Elton John's "Daniel" came on and I acutely recalled listening to that song on my father's stereo while eating fruit snacks. I must have been nine or ten at the oldest. Lastly, I found it humorous that the Adirondack brand drinking water in the warehouse (tag line: "As refreshing as the mountains!") is supplied by Worcester Municipal.
          On the way to work at the Red Onion, a bear crossed our path. It ambled off the road when we neared it, but it was odd that the animal was out when there was still perhaps an hour of daylight. In a great turn of events, I have next Sunday off, my first in three weeks. The highlight of the evening was the arrival of Helena Christensen, former Miss Denmark and supermodel. She also speaks six languages. Additionally, and to my eternal amusement, there's a regular at the bar who looks somewhat like Robert Downey Jr. After work I got in touch with Al and gave him a modest birthday present: a Strange Scattergun for enhanced scooting in TF2 matches to come. (Strange = counts kills.)

Work Daze

          I got a lot more sleep last night, so work went faster than normal, but thanks to Billy I'm sick now. Due to the heat reaching 99 in the shade, we rigged up some ghetto artificial shade: sheets of black plastic duct taped under the skylights to block out the sun. With the natural light blocked out everything looks about three times more ugly and industrial. I'm a big fan of concrete and Boston City Hall, so that's saying something. We're in the thick of an atrocious heat wave, and getting any work done is a struggle. Oreste found 2 four-leaf clovers and a five-leaf clover today, which was pretty cool, though I just realized he must have been grubbing around for them. I hurried up to the Red Onion for my evening shift, only to discover that I'd misread the schedule and I was put on for tomorrow, not today. While a waste of time, it was a nice feeling discovering that I didn't have to work. On a sobering note, my last day off was June 10 and I may not have another until late July or early August, if I keep getting scheduled for the weekends at the Red Onion. Finding myself with an unplanned evening to myself, I went over to Brian's, where we played Donkey Kong Country, discussed things that were important when we were children that have since lost their meaning, and listened to Gangstagrass (a rap/bluegrass group, which is a lot cooler than it sounds.)
          Quote of the day:
"Breaker breaker." - Kevin

Unfinished Business

          Irritatingly, we ran out of the finishing-step sanding belts at work today, so I had to temporarily stow an unfinished pipe until the next shipment arrives. It grates on me to start another, knowing that I'm going to have to go back and finish the first one. Later on, Sam and I talked on the phone for an hour or so, bitched about our jobs and caught up. She's working as a waitress at the Barclay Heights Diner and is on her 2 weeks' notice for her busser position at Diamond Mills, which sounds like an extremely unpleasant work environment at times.
          Quote of the day:
"Mets vs. Cubs? That's like watching paint dry!" - Billy

Mass Introduction #2

          Apparently the young man who fell from the building in town did not commit suicide. He and another fellow were drinking on the roof, supposedly to watch the sunrise, and the other man was found blacked out with a broken nose and no recollection of what happened. It seems that the deceased probably just stumbled off the roof, but the forensics will tell.
           In the evening, Brian and I played some more Donkey Kong Country (it never fails,) talked about nightmares about teeth rotting and falling out, went to Quick Chek for snacks, and discussed all the different best friends we've had since kindergarten.
          Quotes of the day:
"I fuckin' despised her and still do." - me
"Remember when we nigga-rigged it up?" - Brian

          I will very briefly describe each of my coworkers, for future reference. At the Red Onion:
Chef - A gruff gent who makes great food. His name is Kevin, but since I know two other Kevins he will be referred to as Chef.
Ciano - The sous-chef and a personable guy. Last year, he lifted my spirits more than he can know when on a terrible night, he said, "Don't get yourself down, Andy. Anything is possible in this world."
Ernesto & Petronilo - The cold-cooking guys (salads, desserts, etc.) and brothers. Petro is smaller and showed me around when I was first hired last year; Ernesto is larger and quieter.
Pedro - Dishwasher since a few weeks ago, he's very fast and polite. I've done my best to help him out with little things now and again, remembering how much I hated the job.
Tina - Head manager and my boss, also Catt's mother and a pretty awesome lady.
Jeff - The new manager, very attentive to detail.
Ray & Bart - The bartenders, total gentlemen who always have something interesting to talk about.
Chris - Chief runner (like a head waiter who organizes the food in the kitchen) and older brother to Kate. Often humorously inappropriate.
Kate - Secondary runner and a member of my class since 5th or 6th grade.
Kait - A severe-looking girl who was in my graduating class, but has been genuinely nice to me on the job.
Kate D, Donna, Gina, & Brittney - The servers, who take orders and wait on customers. Gina is the twin sister of one of my mother's friends in college, which is interesting but mildly weird at times.
Paige, Emma, Nichole, Dave, Aaron, Marlee, & Emily - My fellow bussers. We move and set dishes, serve bread and water, and run food out when needed.
          At my day job:
Billy - The guy I work next to day in, day out. He's a typical Hudson Valley redneck, though he's nice enough to me.
Chris S - My immediate boss and a friend of my father. A small, moustached man with a powerful temper when he's roused.
Jesse - The third guy who usually sands metal with me (though immediately outside of our studio) and Chris S's son. A young man with lots of hair, he's involved in the local music scene as well.
Oreste - A 60-something Italian with an equally evil temper, though more often than not he's disconcertingly pleasant to me. Works in the larger studio, which I will refer to as the warehouse.
Kevin - Works in the warehouse, busted my balls for the first week or two. Mildly to moderately vulgar, much like everyone else at the job.
Rudy - A big, quiet guy who I first met through Scouting. Works in the warehouse and apparently possesses great strength.
Tom - My boss' boss and the owner of the property where we've been working. He's very gracious and often appears with a large, beautiful white dog.

In the House of Feasting

          Today, I accompanied Matt to Yiayia's funeral. Yiayia was a very old, very Greek grandmother to Matt and was very devoted to her family and to making great food. To get the essence of her personality, I'll relate an anecdote about her life. Yiayia, 18 years old, was on Crete when it was bombed by the Axis in World War II. She was in the shower when the bombs started to fall. Her brother urged her to take shelter in the basement. She refused, crying that she was going to finish her shower and that if it was her time, so be it. She survived, and I knew her for several years due to Matt and I spending all sorts of time together. Her funeral was a quiet affair, which, I feel, is how she would have wanted it. Many stories were told of her legendary cooking, and of her grandmotherly ways. Unfortunately, as many funerals do, the end turned into a bit of a Jesus-fest, with stories of how He will arrive on Earth and fix everything, etc. I don't attend funerals for religious direction, I go to celebrate the deceased and support those left behind. The most jarring quotation came from Ecclesiastes 7:2, which is as follows: "It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart." Apparently it is preferable to dwell on who and what we have lost, rather than celebrate the good that they did and look forward with new clarity. Perhaps this is why I very rarely go to funerals.
          It seems that someone committed suicide in town last night. A young man apparently jumped from the real estate building across from Marky Mark's, a tattoo parlor. In a macabre way, it seems fitting. What more dreary, hopelessly commercial location to choose for one's death? While not thinking about this, I found time before bed to play a good amount of TF2! My Spy skills are still intact, a good sign for the fall.
          Quotes of the day:
"Being here makes me want to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding." - Amanda
"I can't believe we're back in the procession. We had 2 fucking red lights, and we're back in line. Only in Saugerties." - Amanda
"Matt, let's buy a shrimp boat." - Amanda
"This is all I have left to wear forever. I haven't been wearing underwear for 5 days. No joke." - Amanda
"He's a New Jersey Jew." - Customer A
"Black History Month: shortest month of the year!" - Customer B
...
Matt: "It took me like an hour to put this outfit together."
Me: "It probably took Chinese kids less than an hour to manufacture that clothing."
...
Logan: "Look at Mr. Wilsey just walking around."
Me: "He's like, 'I buried you all!'"
Logan: "'I still survive!'"
...
Me: "What happened to Mr. Seamon?"
Amanda: "Mr. Wilsey probably finished him off."

Where the respective worlds of TF2 and blogging collide.

Problem, Nintendo?

          After Brian and I woke up, we occupied ourselves with the Super Nintendo for a while. (Correction: We've been playing Donkey Kong Country, not Donkey Kong. I apologize for the inaccuracy.) I worked my first night as a full-fledged busser at the Red Onion, but business was unusually slow for a Saturday, which turned out all right for me. Later, I played a few games of TF2, whereupon my father seized the chance to say one of his favorite phrases: "You've got a problem." As if occasionally (honest!) playing video games during the leisure time in between my two jobs indicates that I have some sort of addiction or mental deficiency. In truth, my parents are both kind of Luddites about computers and video games, but my father is worse by far.

Waste of an Opinion

          After the greatness of the first part, Brian and I decided to watch The Godfather Part II the following night. As expected, it pleased us well, though I fell asleep near the end. I feel that it's wise to see the third film soon, to better compare it to the first two installments. By the time the movie finished, we were obviously too tired to travel and slept the night in the garage.
          Quote of the day:
Billy: "That's a waste of a career right there, Freddie Mercury."
Me: [I nod to signal my agreement.]
Billy: "Takin' it up the fuckin' ass."
Me: 

my mask of sanity is about to slip

All In the Family

          After work today, Brian and I decided to hang out and watch a movie. First, we went over to the Elks Lodge to let my father know where I was. The Flag Day event there had wound down and we found him at the bar, while my brothers were shooting some pool. Next, we proceeded to Wal-Mart. Normally, you could stock a circus sideshow with the people in that store at night, but tonight it was full of attractive women (the count came to nine!) so hooray for not being repulsed. There was also a strange moment where we decided that "Tummy Ticklers" is a laughably inappropriate product name, and immediately segued into a conversation about whether we're going to have kids. Once we were properly stocked up with snacks, we returned to the garage and watched The Godfather, which was a brilliant choice. Those who haven't seen parts one and two of the Godfather trilogy are really missing out (general opinion holds that part three is an abomination.) I plan to screen at least the first two films consecutively in the fall, and possibly the third depending on my own reaction to it.
          Quotes of the day:
"That's why you don't steal. The government hates competition." - Chris S
"They're all a bunch of thieving bastards." - Chris S, on a political bent
"There's a little mischief in that house. [redacted] does a lot of fuckin' drugs." - Brian
...
After I finished a pipe I'd been working on for a week...
Chris S: "Holy shit, this one's going out? Let's have a fucking party!"
Billy: "He was on that one so long, I thought they were getting married."
Chris S: "Twenty-one gun salute."

Daily Grind

          My ankle started acting up at work today, something it hasn't done since track last year. Luckily there was a bottle of Advil within reach, but I hope this is an isolated event. I took a nap for an hour at lunch, and had a strange dream in which I was talking to my ex-girlfriend's father about some of my old coworkers from camp. Billy left early, so I gladly switched the radio first to 101.5 WDST (a different rock channel that I always listened to as a kid) and then to 104.7 K104 (a Top 40 channel that plays the same things over and over, but it's good for a couple hours.) Unfortunately, the latter station sucks during the day due to about 7 commercials for every 2 songs.
          Other objects of pondering: the version of "Seasons of Love" with Stevie Wonder is far better than the one without. When I was in 11th grade, my friend Seth and I found an old book in the Tech rooms entitled Crafts For Retarded: Through Their Hands They Shall Learn. This led to a twenty minute ramble by our famously long-winded cross-country coach, Mr. Lombardo, about how the connotation of "retarded" has changed over the years. I also thought about quotes that I forgot to put in my blog, which can be found below. Lastly, how do we learn about radio stations? I know about the ones that I do because I listened to them as a child or my friends told me about them, but only once have I seen actual outreach (101.5 at the Garlic Festival.) How did my parents know about the stations they listen to? Dumb luck?
          Tonight was my third and last night of training at the Red Onion. Once again, business was very slow. I met the assistant manager, Jeff, who is a stickler about doing everything exactly right, but is a pretty nice guy. The most notable event of the night came when I was serving a table of seven people for some time, and abruptly recognized the guy at the head of the table. We'd been in a band together and gone to school together, and I hadn't recognized him thanks to his new mop of hair. There's no way he couldn't have recognized me, though. To give a bit of background, at his young age this guy has found some success in the Hudson Valley blues scene (he worked for Levon Helm for a while) and has fallen in with some semi-famous people. He thinks very highly of himself, and we've always gotten the impression that he wants to forget his roots and pretend he's from Woodstock. Eventually, I caught his eye and said hello, at which point he instantly knew me, as if he simply hadn't ignored me before. What a scumbag. After work, I hung out with Ian while he played Kingdom Hearts 2, bringing back a flood of memories. That was a great sequel. Except Atlantica, they ruined that part with the singing-based combat system....I mean, come on.
          Quotes of the day:
"Andy, you wild man." - Brittany
"'Station of Serenity'? How about 'Alliteration of Awesomeness'?" - me
"That same girl gave you $50 three times in a row for hitting a ball? Including those shitty 2-hit combos!" - me, watching Ian grind in KH2
"Hint to winning this fight: press triangle once in a while." - me
"The Keyblade disappeared! Guess that means I can't step one foot to the left!" - me
"Get ALL the orbs!" - me
"Orbs orbs orbs orbs orbs orbs" - me and Ian
"What do they do for kicks around here, play checkers?" - Ian
"Why does he always have that same stupid, grimdark expression on his face?" - me
"'Whatever you believe is right, it's wrong. And that's a big mistake.'? Does that make any sense at all?" - me, discussing KH2 dialogue
          Quotes lost to history:
"Yeah, like the whore I am. Did I say that?" - Alanna
"Are they flesh or plastic?" - Sean
"I just want to go down there with a shotgun and pump until my arm is sore." - Chef

Last Dayz (feat. B.G. and Principal Jones)

          My mother is on my back about holding these jobs. If I complain in the slightest, it becomes a nagfest of biblical proportions -- "I'm sure all your friends are working 2 jobs." "It's the last summer you have to do this sort of thing." "Been there, done that." Except I doubt that she ever had to breathe in airborne steel particles on the job, but I digress. Things have been slightly tough at home. In the evening I trained at the Red Onion for a second night, though the training at this point is essentially working alone with a bit of shadowing. I'm getting paid better for training than I will as an actual busser. At least it was still unusually quiet; it seems that HITS not being in town has really put a dent in the business.
          In more enjoyable news, I've made a few pretty awesome raffles on TF2R. For the first time I spent a bit of my own money on TF2 items, and these only to give away to total strangers. First I raffled a set of Spy items (my favorite class) for my 1000 positive reputation point milestone, then a Team Captain hat just for fun. Giving things away for the fun of it feels better than I ever could have imagined. Except when people are dicks about their winnings, but I have yet to encounter such people personally. Also, I still have not played a single game out of the 8 in Humble Indie Bundle V. Not to mention I have 3 movies that I haven't watched. Truly, I have no time. After work, I did go over to Brian's for a while, where instead of watching Big Fish (as planned), we played Donkey Kong on the Super Nintendo (again, but it's always great) and ate the Hershey's Drops that I left as a surprise present for myself last time.
          Quote of the day:
"Yeah, that end of the year kinda shit." - Brian, discussing elementary school sex ed

Theology + Math = ?

          As I ate my Raisin Bran this morning, I idly listened to the news while my mother intently watched. Almost immediately I was disgusted. First came the news of the shooting in Auburn, wherein much was made of the fact that one of those killed was a linebacker for the college football team; another man was simply described as "a local." I felt that it was a disservice to linger on one's death and skim over the other's. Next was some coverage on the Mary Kennedy "tragedy" (you know, the one where she threatened violence against her family as well as suicide, and drove drunk, etc.) As if I should care about a person -- someone who so gleefully destroyed their family's unity -- just because they have "Kennedy" in their name. Not to mention the word "tragedy" being applied to it, to soften the idea that a Kennedy might be a bad person. These things irk me considerably, but give it twenty years and I'll probably be eating it up.
          At work, I pondered the phrase "God helps those who help themselves." Let's consider this.
Given that You + Your Help = You Get Help (A + B = C)
You + Your Help + God's Help = You Get Help (A + B + x = C)
x = 0
Therefore, God does not exist!
...
Or, you might state it this way: Given that You + Your Help = You + God's Help (A + B = A + x)
B = x, so Your Help = God's Help
Now cancel the Helps to find that you are God!
Math is such a wonderful tool!
          I spent my first night of busser training at the Red Onion tonight. It was pretty quiet (read: dead) tonight, so I was able to hone my dish-carrying, bread-cutting and napkin-folding skills. Already, I think I'll like this work as compared to my day job or last summer's slavery as the Red Onion's dishwasher. I don't regret that job -- I needed the college money, and it was an experience -- but I don't miss the 55 hour weeks and getting home at 1 A.M.
          Quote of the day:
Kevin: "Yeah, I had to take some sensitivity classes. I invited a bunch of people out on the river, said I'd make 'em some cement boots."
Chris: "He's been through so many sensitivity classes. This is a very insensitive person you're dealing with."

Express Post

          Today, I had the pleasure of some correspondence with Katie via text, as she waited in an airport somewhere. There was some discussion of creative writing and regional dialects, and she introduced a great new phrase into my vocabulary: "throwing it back like the ancients." Also, having finally spoken with Tina, I've been hired as a busser/runner at the Red Onion. Tomorrow night will be my first night of training.
          Quote of the day:
"I did. I had to hassle the prick because he claimed I never turned in half my work. But email records top stupidity always. If I catch that man on campus, I may put a Santeria curse on him." - Katie

The World's Greatest

          This morning, I played a few rounds of hide and seek with Ryan. Though I'm not as small and sprightly as I was as a young lad, I still proved myself the reigning hide and seek champ. To put it modestly, I'm the best. I climbed inside a dog crate about ten feet from where Ryan was counting and eluded discovery until he gave up and called for me. Later, I crammed myself in a crawl space under the stairs and behind an unfinished wall inside our house. The old saying that says it's lonely at the top is true, though, because never being found kind of stinks at times.
          In the evening, I ventured up to Shanti's for a hangout and a movie. We first watched Rubber, an unexpectedly wonderful movie about a malevolent rubber tire that has the power to explode objects (such as human heads.) The quality of Rubber's cinematography is such that its mindless plot is almost lent credence. After this, we decided to put another film on. Our choice, Waking Life, turned out to be one of the best movies I have ever seen. Waking Life tells a tale of a young man who keeps waking up only to discover he's still dreaming, as characters around him relate heavy philosophical insights. I found it to be a truly mind-expanding film, and definitely plan to structure one or more movie nights around it in the fall.

The Times (They Are A'Changin')

          My spare earbuds were utterly demolished by the sanding drum at work today. I leaned in to inspect the pipe I was working on and they were caught in the belt. An instant later, they were gone. Pour one on the curb for those earbuds, they served me well. Also, I realized that the gentleman I work for has a voice like Buffalo Bill's (from Silence of the Lambs.) On the way home we stopped at Subway and ran into Big Joe, who told us about the situation his son (Little Joe) has been in. Little Joe went through Cub Scouts with Brian and I, and later left Scouting, and then school. He's in jail now for this brilliant move: he and his friends broke into one of the antique shops in the village, went about 300 feet down the street and sold the loot to another antique dealer for a quick buck. Obviously the dealers don't all talk among themselves, and there's certainly nothing suspicious about a bunch of hoods selling you antiques in bulk. After this meeting I witnessed a hot pink PT Cruiser being pulled over by a cop; no doubt he was booking the driver for "ugliest car in Saugerties."
          Later on, I spent some time at Matt's with him and Katharine. We mostly just chilled in the living room and talked about college. Matt is attending Emerson in the fall, meaning we'll be about 20 minutes apart on foot. Oh, the adventures we'll have. When time grew short, Katharine went home; Matt and I then journeyed to Brian's, and Shanti joined us soon after. The setup in the garage has improved further -- there 's now a large TV set with a Super Nintendo and Xbox 360 hooked up to it. We watched some of The Two Towers, and once that finished we played an intense tag-team game of Super Mario World.
          Quotes of the day:
"Wargs!" - Matt
...
Me: "Her name is Bitsy. We adopted her."
Katharine: "She kinda reminds me of [redacted] Fallows."
...
Matt: "I'm terrible at minesweeper."
Katharine: "English major!"
...
Me: "Is [redacted] Fallows my dog?"
Katharine: "Have you ever seen them together?"
...
Matt: "Pick a number between 1 and 3."
Me: "2.5."
Matt: "You can't do that."
Me: "You didn't say it had to be an integer. English major, foiled again!"
...
Matt: "Prometheus came out today."
Me: "Who?"
...
Brian: "You just get a big banana."
Me: "My fondest dream."

Band Aid

          Though today was my quickest-passing day of work so far, it turned into Cut Yourself At Work Day when I opened up a fingertip on the edge of the belt sander. Later, I saw an improperly capped Sharpie and nearly screamed. Also, the radio station we listen to every day is beginning to grate on my mind despite my efforts to listen to my own iPod. Every day, they're guaranteed to play "Walk of Life," "Thunder Island" and "Reeling In the Years," plus at least one Eagles song. And the DJs keep plugging their "Rock the Boat Listener Cruise" to the point where I can recite the ad word for word. In the news: a friend of mine from elementary school was kicked out of college in Florida for possession or something related, and was then drafted to the Braves in the 10th round. A pretty considerable second chance, all things considered.
          Random topic of the day: Music! Here's a list of artists that you should like:
Alkaline Trio - Fast, aggressive punk with clean vocals and devilishly good lyricism.
American Football - Sadly short-lived emo band with subtle, melancholy instrumentals and vocals.
Army of the Pharaohs - No-holds-barred gangsta rap supergroup.
Balmorhea - An instrumental ensemble that sounds like the Old West in musical form. Truly calming.
Belle & Sebastian - Bookish, wimpy, beautiful indie pop. Also my favorite band.
Between the Buried and Me - An impressive progressive metal outfit. Rough, but also charming at times.
Bohren & der Club of Gore - Dark jazz. Imagine sitting in a detective's office in a black and white film, loading a revolver.
Bomb the Music Industry! - Ranting, imaginative punk/ska. Half funny, half depressing, all indie. You can get their music for free (legally) at quoteunquoterecords.com.
Brand New - Incredible emo band with a stylistically varied (but always great) career.
Canibus - Smooth rapper with the best rhymes in the genre. Check out "Poet Laureate II".
Cap'n Jazz - A heavily influential, delightful emo band with unrestrained exuberance.
Catch 22 - Ska punk, pretty much what you'd expect.
Cee Lo Green - Big, soaring vocals with catchy pop trappings.
Death Cab For Cutie - Quiet, plaintive emo/alternative rock.
Genesis - Theatrical, intellectual progressive/art rock (and later, nearly straight pop.) Also the first band I ever considered my favorite.
Iced Earth - Iron Maiden-esque power metal outfit with a long, consistently good career.
Norah Jones - Jazzy, smoky-voiced singer-songwriter. Bonus for being the most attractive musician.
Pet Shop Boys - Seamlessly packaged, danceable yet smart, synth-pop duo.
Rush - An example of dad rock done right: Canadian, eclectic, and musically complex.
Smashing Pumpkins - Sometimes hard, sometimes subtle, grandly unique alternative rock band.
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - The granddaddy of ska punk and one of the best bands to come out of Boston.
           Lastly, my favorite song is not by any of these. "Nightswimming," by R.E.M. The cover version by Dashboard Confessional is just as good.

          Quote of the day:
Father: "Who polished this one?"
Kevin: "Lindsay Lohan."

845 Cold Chillin'

          Brian and I grabbed dinner at an Italian place called Pomodoro's in Catskill, where I saw someone with a truck and boat quintuple parked. Afterward, we chilled out in the garage for a while. A recurring theme of our recent conversations has been people from elementary or high school who have since dropped off the face of the earth. For the first time, I believe, since I came home, I saw his father and we exchanged pleasantries. Later still, my own father engaged me in a lengthy conversation about rock and roll and was disappointed by me twice. First, I stated that I prefer Huey Lewis & The News to Joe Cocker; second, I failed to know who Dick Clark was. He also rejected the idea that "Rat City in Blue" might possibly, under some very select set of circumstances, be wordplay on "Rhapsody in Blue."
          Quotes of the day:
"People from Long Island don't even think. Their IQs are all below 80, so." - Father
"It was sixth grade, dude! Everyone dated Melissa [redacted] in sixth grade. It was the thing to do." - Brian
"If you were in the 845, you were in this special clique. Like you go to a party and you say, 'I'm from the 845,' and they lovingly welcome you into this big party." - Brian
"People get tattooed with an 845, did you know that?" - Brian
"She doesn't fucking speak. I could kick her in the fucking knee and she wouldn't say anything." - Brian
"Dude, I fucking hate her! I went up against her in laser tag and she kept running into me and got pissed off 'cause I kept getting her. I was gunning for her for a little while." - Brian
"Wow, we did a damage to this last night." - Brian
"All I care about is Adam Levine, Tim Tebow and tanning." - Brian

One Man Eating Contest

          Having finished the first several playlists for my friends (Iris, Ames, Sabs, Heather, Matt, Fallows, Sean, Alanna, Alaric, and myself) I've decided to make a second series for my own amusement, mostly consisting of people I'm living with next year. Hence, if your name is Anthony, Brian, Chris, Eric, Harrison, Jaimie, Jenny, Katharine, Katie, Laura, Lauren, Lauren B, Logan, Maddie, Meredith, Ryan, Sarah, Shannon, Shanti or Shay Geezy, expect a mixtape in the next few months. If you aren't on this list and want one (unlikely), let me know.
          This evening, Brian and I hung out in the garage, which is attaining man cave status. We've got three mismatched chairs (2 desk, 1 lawn) and an old couch and little wooden table. There's a radio and mini fridge, Woodstock poster, lamp and blacklight, and soon we'll have a TV set up. Before crashing there, we stopped by the Catskill Wal-Mart and bought an inordinate amount of snacks. I ended up eating an entire box of Twinkies and an entire package of chewy Chips Ahoy!, much to my stomach's dismay later on.
          Quote of the day:
"I don't like the full moon. I always get the feeling that something's gonna happen, bad." - Brian

Scrubs On Ice

          I played some TF2 with Alaric and Kevin, our friend at RIT. Using Skype in the background as a team chat utility, we wrecked some nerds, ate ice cream and generally had a good time. I've played less TF2 of late, so it was fun getting back into it for the evening.
          Quotes of the day:
"Think. Who do we both know that has a great ass?" - Kevin
"Way to sit in total darkness, dude." - Kevin
"Unstoppable push!" - Kevin

A Tale of Two Restaurants

          As promised, I slept like a baby after yesterday's events. My family went out for dinner at a restaurant near us, recently rechristened Two Brothers. This is odd, because it's owned by the same family that runs a pizza & subs joint which is also called Two Brothers. Cue confusion. Sadly, I made a poor choice of entrée: ravioli with an unhappy cream sauce. I do like ravioli, but the sauce was such a downer that by the end I was dipping the ravioli in ketchup to make it palatable. After dinner, Matt came over and we hung out in the treehouse for a while.
          Quote of the day:
Father: "I'll have a Sam Adams draft."
Me: "That's a surprise."
Ian: "Shocker!"
(every time we eat anywhere)

Wild Trolls of the Mountains

          Today was the best Saturday I've had in bloody ages. At around ten o'clock, Shanti picked me up and we went to a trailhead only ten or fifteen minutes away. We hiked all day, taking in the view out over the countryside and resting at Echo Lake. At first, fog obscured everything worth looking at, but as we sat by the lake, the fog lifted in one glorious sweep and the lake was revealed to us. Also, we were tripping, and I can't think of a better place to do so. We didn't run into a soul, excluding some people sleeping in a lean-to. I documented many of the day's events in a notebook given to me by my father: black, with silver-edged pages and a purple bookmark. A lovely notebook, though the silver "Carpe Diem" on the front throws me off a bit. For a while I adopted the persona of a sort of paranoid military dictator/PTSD-afflicted war vet, and for hours the forest rang with deeply felt evil laughter. This was my first time delivering a sincerely sinister laugh, and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. After the hike, disheveled and dirty, we made a pit stop at Starway. Uncomfortably, we were basically the only customers in the place (circa 10:30) so we ate quickly and skedaddled. Hopefully there are more weekends of this sort in store for me.
          Quotes of the day:
"I just turned on my blacklight and drew on my body with a highlighter for 3 hours." - Shanti
"Oh my god, there's raisins in here too!" - Shanti
"Why are mountains so interesting? It's just dirt at an angle." - me
"Oh god, I hate getting them off, I have to, like, squeeze them and I don't know how much I can squeeze them before bad things start happening." - Shanti
"And then there's this guy named Evil. Yeah, he's just evil. You would love this character, by the way." - Shanti
"It's funny, because evil is both an adjective and a noun in this case." - me
"Imagine you fall into this silo, about 15 feet deep, and it's filled with daddy longlegs. They're packed in so tight that when you fall in, it's like falling through a fluid and you drown at the bottom." - Shanti
"'Andy's eyebrows' as 'vortex of terror.'" - Shanti
"I'm not a troll. This hood is trolling me." - me
"Cliché is a woman." - me
"An alien has no right to divine what our existence means." - me
"What is meaning?" - Shanti
"...that lovingly rendered stubble." - me
"Your hair is on fire. I'm sorry that I made you look like an anime character." - Shanti
"Do you think this lake actually echoes?" - Shanti
"We should not name the lake. The lake should name us." - me
"You're very Native American today." - Shanti
"You're kind of like a schiz'd out war commander." - Shanti
"Everything is clod-shaped over in Andy's Native American land." - Shanti
"So this isn't about the apricots. This is all about friendship? ...No, I'm pretty sure it's the apricots." - me
...
Me: Now that we've arrived at that that that that that that...
Shanti: This is the remix?
...
Me: "We were going to make war, were we not?"
Shanti: "I guess that's as good a reason as any."
...
Me: "We'll just burn one of them, and if it works we'll burn all of them. Kind of a good rule for everything."
Shanti: "Yeah, like witches."

Suddenly, a wild introduction!
Shanti - Great great person with an unabashedly inappropriate sense of humor and solid taste in music. Also, she works in a dessert bakery and has hipsterism on lock. She also makes some of the best art I've ever seen, lives about a minute away, and has three cats.

Bragging Rights

          Billy wasn't at work today due to an engagement of some kind, so I had the studio to myself today. I do like the radio station we listen to (92.9 WBPM, mostly rock) but it's gotten old due to daily 8 hour exposure to it, so this was a welcome change. I played music from my laptop instead, and the day went much quicker. Memorable moment: performing a ninja attack on a fly with an unrolled sanding belt and utterly squashing it.
          After work, Brian and I drove around and ended up at Jolly Cow. I got a large, delicious helping of cookie dough ice cream (clearly the best flavor) and we awkwardly ran into a couple from our senior class who we sort of know but not really. In fact, this was probably the most awkward event of the past few weeks for me. Eventually, we got back to Brian's place, where he, Josh and I called a meeting of the joint chiefs of staff. Brian and I discussed Game of Thrones in minute detail and things got silly quite speedily.
          Quotes of the day:
"I'm team Averill, way before team Defino." - Brian
"I never think of my dog in a fight because he'd be a little pussy and I'd probably finish it." - Brian
"Shut the fuck up from you, first of all..." - Brian, arguing
"Did he give her the juice? Squeeze those lemons?" - Josh
...
Watching a drug documentary...
Scientist on camera: "We make probably the purest LSD in the world."
Me: "Did you see that smug bastard grin on his face? You know he was just bragging to the millions of people he knows are watching!"