The Big Five

          Work went slightly faster today due to the heat decreasing even further. With any luck, tomorrow will continue this trend. Beyond this I have nothing to add, except the below image.
          Quotes of the day:
"We're fighting a losing battle." - Billy, my coworker
"Yeah, Melissa Etheridge! I thought she was awesome, 'til I found out she was a licker." - Billy, losing 20 respect points

only the dead may know peace from this evil

Ennui Central

          The best word for the work I'm doing is "torpor." It doesn't take much strength or thought, but it's a perseverance test for the brain. Imagine listening to a buzzing engine for eight hours; this is my job, minus a few details. Thankfully, today went more smoothly than yesterday since the heat finally broke. I entertained myself by listening to Bill Hicks for most of the day; my favorite sketch is "Burning Issues." "No one, and I repeat, no one, has ever died for a flag. A flag is a piece of cloth. They may have died for freedom, which, by the way, is the freedom to burn the flag." Hicks is delightfully funny and sharply political in a twisted sort of way, if one can handle his vulgarity. I should also mention that my father was unusually speedy in fixing my swing, happily enough.

Savage Heat, Savage Art, Savage Love

          Though it was less humid than yesterday, baking in a greenhouse-like studio made work today nearly unbearable. I found myself rationing my water and food to push through the day. I distracted myself as best I could by listening to Dan Savage's "Savage Love" podcast (the best and funniest relationship/sex ed advice ever) and fan-created TF2 micspam. While not as difficult energy- and time-wise as my kitchen crew gig at the Red Onion last year, the mindless torpor that this work sinks into is a huge challenge. Naturally, my return home was heralded by a massive thunderstorm, which was pleasant but unfortunately late. After the storm I went out to relax on my swing, but the wood finally broke in half lengthwise, so I ended up in bed before midnight. Fancy that.
          I've decided to mention a random topic today: Art! "Random topic" may become a semi-regular installment, so keep your eyes peeled. My favorite artists are Francis Bacon (20th cent. figurative painter,) Hieronymus Bosch (15th cent. painter of moral/religious narratives,) and René Magritte (20th cent. surrealist.) Below are works by each of them, the Bacon painting (huehuehue) being my favorite work of art. I hope the reader appreciates my taste in art!
          Quote of the day:
"Run up to the ATM, get your card out, part with the buck and give it back to me!" - Chris, my boss

Francis Bacon - Study After Velazquez's Portrait of Pope Innocent X (1953) (part of a large series)

Hieronymus Bosch - detail of The Garden of Earthly Delights, a large triptych (c. 1500)

René Magritte - The Menaced Assassin (1927)

Kingdom Herps

          Matt came over this afternoon and we watched Ian playing my old copy of Kingdom Hearts, reminiscing about the game and its many quirks. (20 minute cutscenes, blinding light at every plot twist, ominous wind, "ULTIMATE DARKNESS", androgyny...) We're in the thick of a heat wave and my body was practically shut down, so I declined to leave the house. At ten o'clock I joined Sabrina, Ryan, Meredith, Shannon, Lauren and Laura for a Google+ chat session. Everyone tiredly described what they were up to and Sabrina displayed a talent for speaking with her jaw wired shut. Also, I finally checked my grades for the spring semester: two A-minuses, an A, and a B. My cumulative GPA clawed its way up to about 3.4 from its previous, sketchy 3.0, so I'm quite happy about this.
          Quotes of the day:
"Hi." - Meredith
"If we're sacrificing people, I'm totally not joining this cult. If we're sacrificing brownies or something, I'm totally joining." - Shannon
"Sacrifice your soul to the dance floor." - Ryan

American Storage Pawn Warriors

          This time, I got up before noon at Logan's. I went with Logan and Carol to Sully's AYSO game, where I read Earth-X, a fantastic graphic novel borrowed from Steve. After the game, Logan and I ventured up into the fabled hobo junkyard for an afternoon adventure. For the first time, there were signs of life; many things had been removed, other stuff was shuffled around (notably the trailer), and someone down the hill was using a chainsaw. Due to the last factor, we tread lightly; the last thing I wanted was to encounter an enraged property owner. This reminds me: I need to finish the XC notebook for Fallows before the end of the summer, and hopefully will, if all goes according to plan.
          Quotes of the day:
"Ubah chahge me!" - random TF2 player, ad nauseam
"I'll give you like five bucks for it." - Logan
...
Still making fun of American Pickers...
Logan: "This Huffy bike from the '80s is worthless to everyone!"
Me: "That Huffy bike might look worthless to most people, but I got $60 for it by threatening this guy with a golf club!"

Things To Remember

          For the first time in a while, Iris and I got to speak on Steam chat due to Beard's timely interruption of my slumber. Later, Matt and I went over to Logan's to hang out for a while. We went to Barnes & Noble, where I purchased three books (Stephen Colbert's book, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and a book of Asian cooking for Iris) and Matt bought another journal. For a while we played a game wherein each player guesses the price of a book and the winner is theoretically forced to read it (hence, you always lose.) At home, we ended up watching a couple episodes of American Pickers, and Matt and I determined that we are the two guys who star in the show. I'm Frank, who has a beard and an uncanny level of expertise on signage, while Matt is Mike, who always seems to be on steroids and discusses getting deals on antiques as if he were talking about a cage match. "I'm just gettin' some cash flowin' to try to get the deal goin'!" Matt had to get some sleep so he headed out, and Logan and I played Arkham City for a few hours.
          Quotes of the day:
"I'm Batman." - Logan
"My parents are dead." - Logan
"I forgot. I'm Batman." - Logan
"Here's a saying that always works: Stupid people make me angry." - Matt
"Stop trying to live vicariously through [redacted]'s vagina!" - Matt

Iron Man: Deluxe Canned Ham

          I received seven letters from Iris today. This isn't that "2 letters in one envelope" deal either. There were actually seven envelopes for me. Ian and Ryan each got a letter as well. I also put in my second day of work on the steel polishing project. Since I arrived an hour earlier, and what little novelty there had been in the training and work were gone (along with most of my energy,) this day seemed to last forever. The work setup there is very unusual; the artist and his wife don't exactly run a business. Rather, they spend their time and money improving their property, and have a crew of carpenters and other workers full-time, year-round. Each day there are two snack breaks wherein everyone is invited up to the house. They put out fruits, nuts, chips, cookies and other snacks as well as coffee and tea, and everyone sits around a room and either chats or sits uncomfortably. For now, I'm the latter breed, even though all of the people there are extremely pleasant and accommodating. I couldn't shake the discomfort of the knowledge that I was in the presence of more money than I will ever possess. Also, we discovered a tick in my upper ear lobe, which my coworker Billy pulled out with a relatively large pair of pliers after we realized we didn't have any tweezers. (He got it out, head and all.) Lastly, there was a massive, screaming fight between several of the workers after one of them threw a hissy fit and my boss called him an asshole. At one point, said guy (he's 60-something years old) threatened another carpenter with a pipe. I was glad to stay out of it and keep to my work.
          After work, I cleaned up and headed to Village Pizza to meet up with Chiara and a host of other old friends. I was the first there, and soon Kim (a rare Asian) arrived. Eventually, Shanti, Rose, Jo Ann, Chiara, Parker, Phaedra, Corrine and Penny showed up, and we loudly debated what to order. After about twenty minutes of filling the pizza parlor with this din, we decided to move to the village diner and ordered nothing. This felt extremely rude, but in a way I could laugh about. I had a milkshake and wrap at the diner, and had a great conversation primarily with Rose and Shanti. Afterward, we saw Avengers at the Orpheum. I liked it well the second time, though the cheesier dialogue was even more apparent, excruciatingly enough. I have arrived at the conclusion that some people are far more beautiful when in motion, Scarlett Johansson being the primary example. But seriously, for those who haven't seen the movie, check out this bit of teeth-gnashing banter:
     Black Widow: "These guys are out of legend, they're basically gods." (referring to Thor and Loki)
     Captain America: "There's only one god, ma'am. And he doesn't dress like that."
I actually cried a bit at that one. Post-movie, Shanti took me home and we discussed a backpacking expedition at some point, perhaps to North Lake or possibly Eagle's Keep. I've managed to see most of my Saugerties friends, but a few have still failed to materialize. Still on my hit list: Alexa, Murphy, Camille, Isiah and Peter.
          Quotes of the day:
"I totally read that as baked vagina ham." - Shanti
"That kid's mohawk is what. It looks like vagina hair." - Shanti
...
Me: "She's super cute, but she peed on the stairs last night."
Shanti: "I thought you were talking about your girlfriend."

Cuts and Abrasions

          Rather unexpectedly, I found myself working 9-4 on a local artist's workshop after my father's friend hooked me up. First some background. Said artist is married to the heiress of the Livingston fortune, and his current project is ambitious. Though he usually works with stone, on this piece a large array of stainless steel bars are to be arranged in a fashion resembling a blooming flower. The steel alone went for a cool $27,000. The bars, of which I believe there are 36, first have to be polished to a mirror-like finish. This is where I come in. The bars are several feet long and about an inch to an inch and a half thick, and are tremendously difficult to polish. In order to do so, my coworkers and I are using belt sanders ($800 each) and cycling through 7 different belt-coarseness levels (40, 80, 120, brown, purple, blue, grey) and two different polishing compounds. The work is agonizingly slow, so slow that it's sometimes difficult to tell if progress is being made at all. Often one has to go back and cycle back through coarser sander belts due to previously hidden imperfections in the metal. All in all, it can take a week to finish polishing one bar, and there are 22 left to finish. I should also mention that I'm on my feet all day and constantly breathing in airborne steel dust because the respirators proved too unwieldy and glasses-fogging to be practical. Small note: There was a box in the workshop labeled "United Abrasives," and I imagined an organization by, for and of thoroughly irritating people. I think this is a great idea for an NGO. If I end up working at Red Onion as planned, I might be holding down two jobs, which worries me to a moderate extent.
          Immediately after I showered and scrubbed off all the steel residue on my arms and head, I went with my brothers and mother to our hairdresser Tammy's house. She has a little salon there, and Ian, Ryan and I all got cuts. Mine is particularly severe, which will doubtlessly last about four days. Soon after I returned home, Nick and Tim picked me up for band practice. We chilled out at Tim's, played music for a little while, and then watched Odd Future videos and Tim tooling around in Minecraft. I have developed a considerable desire to purchase Minecraft for myself, and may do so quite soon. Until then, I'll be practicing in TF2 with my newly renamed Scattergun: "The Boston Massacre".
          Quotes of the day:
"She looks like a leather belt!" - Tammy
"I'm some jabroni with a guitar." - Nick
"I don't want none of them white picket fence lookin' bitches." - Tim
...
Nick: "Nascar!"
Tim: "Woohooooo!"

Golden Shower

          I was subjected to an irritating weather phenomenon this morning: the reviled sun shower. If the reader knows me remarkably well, they are aware that rain is my very favorite type of weather. If they know me even slightly, they are aware that I'm practically a vampire and dislike sunlight most passionately. A sun shower is a debasing of an otherwise lovely rainstorm. It's precipitation minus the gloomy, smoky charm of a rainy day.
          Moving on. Matt came over this evening, but I was too lethargic to do much. We just hung out, played some Bejeweled, TF2 and Plants vs. Zombies, and discussed ideas for stories. All of the current playlists for my friends are finished, with the exception of Fallows' playlist. I also finished reading American Psycho, and it really is a great book. It tended toward the murky at times (see: 4 page reviews of bands, monologues about what people are wearing, etc.) but this only served to increase the air of mental instability and "wrongness."

Try Getting a Reservation At Dorsia Now

          This afternoon, Catie and Sara came over to hang out for a while. First, we watched American Psycho because Sara hadn't seen it. She grudgingly admitted that it "wasn't as bad" as she thought it would be, but her preconception of horror films prevented her from fully enjoying it. After no one could figure out what they wanted to do, we ended up watching Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, again because Sara hadn't seen it. Thankfully she was considerably more receptive to this. Afterward, we listened to some ARK Music Factory hits and lurked on Facebook. Catie gave me most of the music that went missing after Oscar bit the dust. She had to leave earlier, and for a while Sara and I discussed our college plans and the like. Later in the night, Ian got back from a field trip to a Yankees game (huehuehue, >Royals) and my mother and I went to pick him up at the high school. I then forced them to endure James Barbour's performance of "Molasses T'Rum"  because I felt like showtunes. Though perhaps "endure" is the wrong word, because Barbour is an incredible vocalist.

Scrubs of Various Kinds

          Somehow, I ended up doing the dishes with Ryan today. He insisted on doing the actual scrubbing and thus water ended up everywhere. I also had to re-wash a bunch of the dishes because they were still grimy. My day improved somewhat after I accompanied Matt to a village board meeting at the firehouse in town (which somehow took us ten minutes to find.) I spent most of the meeting reading Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho and trying to ignore commentary on the new law recently implemented by town officials. It's now illegal to buy or sell "drug paraphernalia" in Saugerties, as if we had a crime problem associated with drugs. I see this as one more example of needless waste of money legislating toward issues that really aren't at the heart of matters. Saugerties officials should be concentrating on increasing tourism, shoring up the local economy and dealing with businessmen trying to circumvent our tax codes, not worrying about the minor flow of illegal drugs. After the meeting we went into the new Big Lots in the Grand Union plaza (though Big Lots occupies the space that was once Grand Union itself.) There, we ran into a high school cafeteria lady who mistook me for Ian. It always amazes me how kind people can be, especially when they're not in the best life circumstances.
          Quote of the day:
"I'm starting to feel this emptiness from this book series that I'm reading." - Matt

Sloth

          I'm somewhat pleased to say I got away with doing nothing but playing TF2 and raffling stuff off on TF2R today. It seems my parents are temporarily satisfied by the prospect that I'll be working at the Red Onion. Here's to taking a break from not working.

Moon Child

          I got up early to (finally) complete my 5 hour course for my license, still woozy from last night. I braced myself for a horrendously dull five hours. In a magnificent stroke of luck, Catt was also taking her course that morning. This lessened the excruciating boredom, and we had a nice little hang out session at Quick Chek during the 45 minute lunch break. Now begins the real work of driving practice.
          After the lesson, I went around looking for work. First I visited the Malden hot shop, where a manager told me to apply online. Next, I went to the Lazy Swan, a country club, and finally to the Red Onion, where I inquired again about work. It seems that I'll probably end up there, though not until after Memorial Day weekend. When night fell, Brian, Josh and I hung out again, and got into a discussion of all the people who fell by the wayside in middle and high school. This proved to be an enjoyable evening, though I remember little of its actual events.
          Quotes of the day:
"I'm sure I'll get divorced a bunch of times and have to show off the goods constantly." - Catt
"What's your sign?" - Catt
"We're the moon children." - Catt
"I hate when they bring respect into the argument. They don't even respect themselves." - Brian
"She's hot because she's mysterious because no one likes her." - Josh
...
Me: "Dude, I forgot about her."
Josh: "I honestly think that everyone does in the end."

Strange Direct Hit

          Today, I won a good deal of valuable items on TF2R, apparently karma-prompted by my recent generosity. (There is no way to increase or diminish your chances of winning a given raffle, but many folks are superstitious.) I ended up winning about $15 to $20 worth of stuff. I've since traded much of it for other things that I want, but this was a pretty awesome win streak.
          Late in the evening, I hung out with Brian and Josh in the former's garage. The plan is to soup up said garage into a super kewl clubhouse. TV, stereo, heroin-addict tapestry over the sliding door, the works. For much of the night, we listened to gangsta rap, watched comedy shows on YouTube, and generally relaxed. Josh and I also devoured all of Brian's Berry Bunch o' Krunch, much to his dismay. We decamped after a carefree discussion of how fun the summer might turn out to be.
          Quotes of the day:
"'Premium supreme'? What does that even mean?" - me
"It's Evian. That's why it tastes like a desert oasis." - Josh

Inspector Donut

          On this fine Thursday evening, I accompanied my family to the high school band concert. I hung out backstage right with Sam, Erin, Logan and Sara during the Concert Band, Symphonic Band and Wind Ensemble performances. Oddly enough, the Symphonic Band is not a symphony orchestra and the Wind Ensemble has a percussion section. They may as well have been called Concert Bands One through Three. Of course, the real meat of the concert came in the form of the High School Band's performance. The lucky ducks got to play both "The Ascension" from the Divine Comedy suite and "Jesus Christ Superstar". During my years in the band I played two parts of the aforementioned suite -- "The Ascension" (10th grade) and "The Inferno" (11th grade.) The latter was a powerful piece once we pulled it together; some of the music calls for dragging feet, agonized screams, and clinking chains. The other two parts of the suite, "Paradiso" and "Purgatorio", are kind of lame so they don't really get any play. But back to the concert. Katharine and Fallows distinguished themselves with solos (trumpet and clarinet, respectively) and Ian counted off the lashes in the beginning of "Jesus Christ Superstar".
          Post-concert, we mobbed Dunkin' Donuts. I shot the breeze with Matt, Catie, Kali, Logan, Sara, and Katharine, and I met Buddy for the first time this year! Waiting in line, Matt and I thoroughly embarrassed ourselves with the Javert-in-slash-fiction impression. ("Oh, Javert...you found me!") Between the two of us, we gobbled up six donuts and mooched some of Logan's Coolatta. Once I was home, I finished #ladieslist. Soon.
          Quote of the day:
"It's time to shit or get off the pot." - Father

The Rafflers Giveth and the Repo Taketh Away

          Matt came over this evening and we batted around ideas for short stories. One we spent much time discussing is the idea that in the future, names are bought and sold, confer certain rights or privileges upon those with names, and those without are cast into a downtrodden underclass. An intriguing idea for a collaborative story or set of stories. After he left, I created my first-ever puzzle raffle on TF2 Raffle House. If I haven't described it before, TF2R is a place where people give away TF2 items for free in automated online raffles. I've been involved with it for some time, but a puzzle raffle is a next-level raffle maneuver where one first creates a private raffle, then a public raffle with hints on how to find the URL of the private one. It's a nice feeling giving random strangers your e-wealth, and (once in a great while) winning something yourself. To finish the night, I watched another midnight movie: Repo! The Genetic Opera. To call it unique would be an understatement, and the same goes for "twisted" and "delightful." Repo! concerns a dystopian future where, after a worldwide epidemic of organ failures, a company known as GeneCo offers "organ financing." The catch: if you don't pay up, they "repossess" your organs. It's kind of like repossessing your house or car, but those things aren't forcibly removed from your stomach cavity. Definitely worth a viewing.

Democracy!

soon

          Play the song below for maximum effect on today's post! Today marks the first time I've ever voted. I walked half a mile in the rain over to Grant D. Morse Elementary School, where I voted up on the school budget and cast votes between the four candidates for three school board seats. This is the same rain that started yesterday morning, and it's been remarkably steady. Matt, who also popped his voting cherry, met me at the school and we headed back to my place to hang out for a few hours. We played several rounds of the hat game and took naps on my floor to electronic music. As usual, Matt saved the cards from the game for future amusement. After he went home, I watched Splice, a body-horror flick with dramatic sci-fi underpinnings. While an enjoyable film, it's a bit of a genre rollercoaster, going from creepy sci-fi to heartwarmingly humane, and then on to full-on horror before morphing back into creepy sci-fi. It's like the team behind the movie didn't know what they wanted to make. That aside, I recommend Splice if you're really into the genre. Also, the fact that Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley's gene-splicing company is called N.E.R.D. is a humorous crack in the fourth wall. Lastly, Sarah Polley is the newest addition to #ladieslist, bringing our count to 46. Soon...very soon.
          Quotes of the day:
"I think that'll be my name for lube from now on. Power steering fluid." - me
"It's just...good...business!" - Matt

"If I die, you can have my things." - Matt
"There are rats under Yankee Stadium the size of...big rats." - me

The Hound of the Couchpillows

Bitsy!

          I was up at an ungodly 8:30 this morning to take care of the dog while everyone went out. I spent a good amount of time sorting random papers and recycling stuff I don't need. All of my poetry, random notes and short stories are going digital. Late in the morning, a very light rain started drizzling, so I retrieved Bitsy from the chain outside. About a minute later, the sky opened up. A tremendous rain began to fall and, aside from a few brief pauses, has continued all day and night. Perhaps lulled by this pitter-patter, Bitsy and I curled up on the couch and took a nap together. When I woke up she was snugly wedged in between me and the couch, soaking up all the warmth. It was the cutest thing I've seen all week.

Fatty Blubbacus

          The highlight of my day was spending some time at home with Sam, Matt, and Fallows. We sat out on my roof until it got oppressively hot outside, and then played the hat game inside. It's been ages since I've seen Sam, so it was good to see her again. Since she had to be home early, we took her home and then Matt fatted up the McDonalds while Fallows and I watched him eat like starving children. This is not strictly true, I had a wrap and he shared his nuggets/fries. He even licked my face when I went to order. On the way back to my house, we jammed to some Leona Lewis (who is, definitively, mixed-race) and everyone went home soon after. Matt and I did have an interesting conversation regarding housing in a couple of years, as in living together in Boston. It would be pretty sweet if that worked out.
          Quotes of the day:
"I like seeing ants carry bugs away. Good job, ant." - Matt
"I don't think my flash drive is that big." - Fallows
"I didn't spit! I just didn't get it into my mouth." - Fallows, wasting good Squirt

"Benigna?"..........SPLAT

          It's taken a while, but Bitsy is acclimating to me. We played around today, running through the house and jumping around. She's a cute dog, when not chewing up things in my room or in the bathroom rubbish bin. My second animal experience for the day was catching a glimpse of the blue heron as it took off from the pond, skimming water off the surface. I don't know if it's the same bird that's come to our pond since I was a young lad, but it's a beautiful sight. Pic related, though not mine.

           The rest of my day, I did more artificial things like play lots of TF2. I had a pleasing experience playing under the name "[Regulators] Balto," where someone named "Ghost" recognized me and asked if I was magicladle12 (my usual tag.) He revealed himself as a guy I've played against a lot in the public TF2 servers, also playing under a different name. It's enjoyable having a tiny dash of e-fame, and there's a bit of camaraderie among the regulars who frequent certain servers I play on.
          When I went to bed I watched a Guillermo del Toro production, The Orphanage, which was gifted to me by Matt. The plot concerns a family that wishes to start a home for sick children in an old orphanage. Remarkably, it was terrifying without too much actually happening. I highly recommend this movie for anyone who'd like to indulge in a horror film but has a distaste for gore and "jump scares," which are really about adrenaline anyway. The Orphanage's terror is of an atmospheric, elusive sort, and I feel lucky to have experienced such an artful work. Also, the title of today's entry refers to a dramatic (and unintentionally funny) moment during the movie.

Overtime: The Real Life Experience

          I went to a ceremony honoring my mother and four other nurses at Kingston Hospital today. She scored a nice certificate and $1000 for educational purposes. The CEO of HealthAlliance even spoke, though there was a darker side to his words. Benedictine Hospital and Kingston merged a few years ago, but the financial issues plaguing HealthAlliance might force a closure of one of the buildings (most likely Benedictine, a Catholic institution). If this happens, Kingston will lose hundreds of jobs and the remaining hospital won't have the resources to handle all of the patients the pair currently serves.
          At seven o'clock, I went to the high school with my family for Cabaret Night. As an "Intimate Evening Celebrating Performing Arts," there were over a million acoustic songs sung by soft-voiced girls. While this number is inaccurate, the program did run for a staggering three hours, and Mr. Wells was visibly wiped. There were five semi-lame comedic interludes, a brilliant reading of Marty Shoenleber's "Push", and Ian's stirring piano medley of "Light," "Someone Like You," "He's a Pirate," and "The Great Escape." There were also two butt-rock Van Halen "Eruption"-esque guitar solos and no less than six songs featuring Logan. Additionally, the penultimate performance in the first act was a "theatrical ballet," which stretched for ten or fifteen minutes and seemed to endorse murder and sexual assault as a means of starting a loving relationship. For much of the program, I hung out in the back with Katharine, Logan, Matt and Fallows after I'd had about all the subtle acoustic tunes I could handle.
          During one girl's song, an old woman stood up and answered her phone in the loudest possible voice: "Yeah, I can't talk right now. I'm at a show. But you can call me back at blah blah blah. Derp the hurr oh god I am the rudest person ever plus a moron." (Dramatic fictionalization, but you get the idea. It may have been the rudest thing I've ever seen.) During this interlude she was walking toward the exit as if to speak outside, but then said, "Okay, bye!", hung up, and returned to her seat. I was right there, but was too flabbergasted to say anything. Others were not so kind, shushing her and even telling her to shut up. I'm glad some people have enough entertainment savvy to know that it's not appropriate to talk on a cell phone during a performance, especially a live one.
          Quotes of the day:
"Gang Rape: the musical!" - Logan
"NO. You have more Than this, but later you will do something, and Then you will do something else." - Jabs
"You can't do something without liking it." - Fallows

48 Johannas and the Iron Couple

          Rising around nine, I found myself with lots of time to do housework. Most of my day was spent in this pursuit. I made a twenty-four item to-do list and accomplished about eighteen, so I feel pretty good about myself. One task I didn't reach was to work out the full Ladies List Redux. Only five more names are required to meet fifty, and then Alaric and I have some work to do. I also managed to chat with Iris again, always a pleasure.

Runs In the Family

          I awoke from a dream this morning. In this dream, I was preparing to run my first marathon and I was very uneasy. After I woke up, I was seized with an overwhelming desire to train for and run in a marathon. I'm of the opinion that dreams can be a window into the subconscious, if a blurry, cracked one, and it took this desire a few hours to wane. I did go for a brief run later in the evening, but by the time I got out on the road my heart just wasn't in it and I only did a lap around the block. ("The block" meaning heading left at the intersection, going past the reservoir and the elementary school.)
          My uncle Chris came out to stay a few nights today. Chris is from Alfred, a small college town in western New York and home to much of my father's side of the family. He brought along two 12-packs of Squirt, an exquisite lemon-lime soda that isn't sold around here. When night fell, Chris, my father, Stevie (a small, feisty, Puerto Rican guy with his one good eye running at 50%) and I built a campfire and sat around it telling stories. Most of these revolved around getting seriously blitzed and then acting like idiots, but they were all entertaining. After everyone went to bed, I watched Anamorph, a Willem DaFoe/Peter Stormare flick that I picked up for $2. As a horror movie, it wasn't particularly frightening, though appropriately suspenseful. An interesting watch, but not incredible.

Quoth the Hipster

          My router is now in working order. It only works in the basement and the room directly above it, which I suppose is passable. At least I don't get filthy just sitting there. Elsewhere, I can occasionally get a dot of reception, but nothing I can work with. I was able to get on Skype chat with Iris around eleven a.m. (eleven p.m. for her) and we had a nice talk. In the early evening, Nick, Tim and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for Wing Night, but they were closed until later due to lack of hot water. We ended up eating in the mall food court and hung out in FYE instead. Nick informed me that a cheerleader that graduated from Saugerties a couple of years ago is working for Bangbros (a porn site) under the name Bella Rose. "She has one video and it's horrible," said Nick. I investigated as far as her Bangbros profile, but I didn't recognize her and didn't care enough to watch the allegedly awful video. We went back to Nick's to chill out and watch some television; tonight, the program was the refreshingly dumb Loiter Squad and the astonishingly dumb Nitro Circus. As the three of us plan to make some music this summer, we discussed possible band names. Some examples: Holy Smokes!, Holy! Smokes, Holy Expletive, New Coke, Stinkfinger, Limp Bizkit II, Jeffrey and the Dahmers. I got home around ten and got on Google+, successfully this time, and had a great video chat with the two Laurens, Laura, Meredith, Sabrina, Ryan, Alaric, Sean, and Chris. It was good to see them after our three weeks of separation. I rounded out the night with a couple more hours of TF2, a perk of college wireless which has also been lacking recently.
          A new one-day quote record has been set.
"I wrote a new song called 'Steady Diet of Mac & Cheese'. It's about eating shitty food and making poor nutritional decisions." - Nick
"Oh, god. The last time he pitched a movie to me, Bruce Willis killed a baby and tossed a cigarette at a gas pump in the first scene." - Nick
"Mothafuckin' Egyptian cotton sheets, mothafuckin' mink blanket." - Tim
"Hey Nick, you ever get choked to death while driving because you talk too much?" - Tim
"Ain't no one pop like this, not even Orville Reddenbacher." - Nick
"It was some kind of live event at the food court, this fat, creepy guy playing Flo Rida songs and doing the fucking hokey pokey and shit with kids." - Nick
"When I ran up on you to fart on you, I broke a blood vessel in my fist." - Tim
"Nothing spells alcoholism like falling down and spilling beer all over the place while trying to sing 50 Cent's 'Candyshop'." - Nick
"You can sing a little bit, make them pussies wet..." - Nick
"Dammmnnnnn girl, give me that chocolate drank." - Tim
"...Cthulhu Cock..." - Nick
"Yeah, they lured kids in with skateboarding and rollerblading and stuff, and then they're like, 'Yo. Jesus.'" - Nick
"M. Ward sounds like Tom Waits if he didn't have a fucking whiskey distillery for a throat." - Tim
"Ted Nugent has the ability to deflect bullets with guitar solos." - Nick
"One of these days you're gonna look me in the eye and tell me that Sunny Day Real Estate is a pop punk band, and I am gonna cut your throat." - Tim
"Imagine we say that, though, and they come out of the ceiling like ninjas, 'cause they are ninjas, they're all ninjas, and they fuckin' fuck us dry." - Tim, on female Asians
"We call Jay 'Latino Heat' all the time. He loves wrestling and he's Puerto Rican." - Nick
"So we keep on jiggling it." - Laura
"In Russia, the man does not make the wish. In Russia, the wish makes the man." - me
...
"Punks are gonna like it and hipster girls are gonna want to dance to it. Andy's still gonna be the ladies' man, except the difference between this and Bears With Guns is I'm gonna put him on blast and tell all the chicks he's flirting with at shows that he has a girlfriend. ... There was some young-ass bitch from New Jersey that was on tour with Washington Square Park that you and Josh were all over." - Nick, misremembering
...
"Jim Gaffigan is a bullfighter in Spain. He's the master bullfighter, the country's greatest bullfighter. No, the greatest bullfighter in the world. And this bull comes from space, like, a super-bull. And he's gotta take care of business." - Tim, detailing a movie idea
...
Nick: "I knew it was a diet pill! They always have the dumbest commercials."
Tim: "Rrrrraaaaaa, look how sexy I am!"
Nick: "Except if you take that stuff, you'll end up dead at Benedictine Hospital tomorrow. There's nothing sexy about that."
...
Me: "You should change your name to Holy Smokes."
Tim: "And we could call the band Stinkfinger."

          The images below should approximate my face for most of the night.

Hunchback III: Revenge of the Ambiguously Gay Judge

          Today, I found that my parents seem more favorable to me waking up early and taking a four hour nap later on, rather than just sleeping for four hours more. This makes no sense to me, but I suppose I'll take it. Later, Sabrina informed me of a large group chat taking place on Google+. I created one expressly for this purpose, only to find that video chat capabilities are necessary. Our desktop computer has no webcam or microphone, so I struggled with Frollo, my unused wireless router, in the basement. By the time it was hooked up, I was tired, frustrated and breathing in all kinds of dust and chemicals, and everyone had just left. To soothe my irritation, I played a couple hours of TF2 for the first time in a long time.
          As an aside, I should mention that I name my technology. My laptop is Lancelot. My external HD was named Oscar, so if I acquire a new one I plan to dub it Oscar II. My cell phone is named Calvin, and my router is Frollo, as previously mentioned. (For those who are unfamiliar, Frollo is the evil judge in Disney's rendering of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.) Catie also does this; her car is Optimus Prime, and her computer or iPod is Fitzwilliam or some similarly pretentious name.

Garfield

          My good night's sleep at Logan's turned into a classic death nap; Allie came and went, Ethan came and went, and I slumbered through the entire day. At five I awoke and went home. I arrived home to find Catie had paid us a visit, and we sat on the back porch and talked for a while. For dinner we had my mother's fantastic spinach lasagna, which I sorely missed at Northeastern. Considering my activities today, I feel like Garfield the cat -- sleep, wake up, say sarcastic things, eat lasagna, go back to sleep.

Target Quest

          I looked out my open window around five today and was stricken by how gorgeous it was outside. There was a lovely chill in the air following the nighttime rain. An ethereal mist hung over the pond and the vibrantly green foliage and grass. Above, the sky was enveloped in wispy, mottled clouds. From the trees around my window, the quiet sounds of waking birds floated through the air.
          Eventually, Matt, Logan and I went to Kingston to see Avengers. It was pleasing, if not the best movie ever, but I really enjoyed it. After the movie, we rambled around the Target. We were busying ourselves with Avengers merchandise (Mjolnir, Cap's shield) when some almost certainly high girls appeared. One put on a Star Wars clone mask. "You should buy this! You should buy this!" They then scurried off, laughing hysterically. Logan ended up buying the hammer, and we headed back to his place.
          Matt had work in the morning and had to hit the road, but I stayed at Logan's for the night. First, we attempted to watch The Good, the Bad, the Weird (again!) but Logan was too sleepy and I was busy reading "Thanos Quest" and "The Infinity Gauntlet". We then played some co-op campaign in Halo 3 and tooled around in the "Deadliest Warrior" arcade-style fighting game. I proved several times that in this particular game, heavy armor and spam-alicious combo attacks always best speed and maneuverability. After talking in the dark for some time, we hit the sack.
          Quotes of the day:
"Oh, they're a couple? Awwwww. Isn't that... disgusting." - Steve
...
Matt: "Why are we running?"
Logan: "Because we're the Avengers!"

Sweet As Sizzurp, Cuz

          I went in to see Tina at the Red Onion, and she told me she'd let me know in a couple of weeks when the work schedules for the summer are straightened out. Until then, I'll be working toward my license. I hung out with Nick for the remainder of the day and we had many good times. First we drove to Wendy's, where  three people cut me in line and I watched a guy haggle for 25 cents. After witnessing that, I made sure to be extra polite to the cashiers. I always feel bad for the things they're put through. Back at Nick's, we watched several satisfyingly dumb rap videos (see below: Three Six Mafia's "Sippin On Some Syrup") and played Super Smash Brothers on the N64. We attempted to grab snacks at Taco Bell, but a blown transformer up at the mall had sown power outages all along the strip below, and we were foiled. Hanging out with Nick always reminds me to listen to more punk music.
          Quotes of the day:
"She just ended up skeezin' out. Straight up ho'in out." - Nick
"I could make dick pics look fucking great if I really want to." - Nick, on Instagram
"'Hot Off the Grill, Cuz.' That's what it should say." - Nick
"That was the first known example of butt rock. He paved the way for Eddie Vedder and the jackoff from Nickelback." - Nick, on Steppenwolf
"So I'm in just boxers, changing a fucking tire in February." - Nick
"Buffalo Wild Wings Karaoke Night is the saddest thing ever. It's like 75 single guys who've never seen a vulva up close." - Nick

Typical Joke About Chinese Food

          I spent a good deal of time rearranging everything in my room today. My father is fond of rambling about how we should learn to live with less (especially after moving all my stuff home) so I'm getting rid of things and organizing. In the late afternoon I paid a visit to the Red Onion to ask for work out front. I spoke with the chef, stylishly attired in a lime green chef's shirt, who asked me to come back tomorrow. That way I'll be able to speak with the lady who runs the front of the house (and happens to be Catt's mother) and hopefully acquire a job. Afterward, my father and I went to pick Ian up from track practice, where I ran into Fallows and Brandon, a joyous meeting. I then occupied myself with A Clash of Kings, the second book in the Game of Thrones series, as well as eating delicious Chinese food. As I write this, I must remark that a sweet, beautiful rain is falling and I am in a fantastic mood. A relaxing evening lies ahead.

Homovictus

          Three days ago, I claimed that I was badly craving McDonalds. This is the third day in a row that I've eaten there, and karma is probably laughing at me. I saw Shawn there while Matt and I were ordering, and as we left some typical Saugerties toughs tried to stare us down. This might be due to the fact that our outfits happened to match (purple shirts, no less) and they probably believed that we were gay. They were unsuccessful because I failed to notice them until Matt mentioned it in the parking lot.
          Quote of the day:
"Just introduce me as Cocksucker Judge." - Matt

Fashion Vigilantes

          I spent the night at Matt's tonight. We didn't go swimming this time, but we might need to steal Fallows for that. While there, I gorged myself on Fudge Rounds and that delicious peach iced tea that Matt always has around. Rather than sleeping, I watched Saw films 2 through 7, finishing out the series. I must say that I found them much more pleasing, if no more palatable, than expected; the moral dilemmas present in the earlier films are especially interesting. Tobin Bell is brilliant as Jigsaw, and I was especially fond of Cary Elwes' Dr. Lawrence Gordon and Scott Patterson's Agent Strahm. After accomplishing this, I finished the very last of my musicals class homework! Matt gifted me with four movies (Lawrence of Arabia, Splice, The Orphanage, and Army of Darkness) as well as a massive mug which reads: "A GIANT CUP OF SHUT THE FUCK UP".
          Quote of the day:
"That's what you get... for wearing that top with those pants!" - Matt, watching Saw III