The entry for 5/22 has been updated with quotes which I wrote down and forgot about.
I had a wild dream that an enormous coyote attacked my home. It was me, my father, our dog Bitsy, and a larger grey dog versus this monster. It stood on its hind legs and was vaguely anthropomorphic in the most alarming of ways, like a man in a coyote's skin. It gravely wounded both of the dogs, and I swatted at it with a heavy metal rake to no effect. My father handed me our shotgun; I pulled the coyote to the ground with me and attempted to shoot it, but the gun misfired. When it got up, I grabbed a hammer, jumped on its chest and shattered its skull.
At work today, we had a fun time watching from the window as two of our employees tried to help a couple of ladies with a flat tire. After a few minutes had passed, we gathered that at least one of them had no clue what he was doing, which only made the episode better. My night turned a little sour later on, when I received at least six or seven texts inquiring about a Facebook status that I had not posted. It stated that I was soon to be a father and asked for advice regarding marriage and child care. I was extremely angry about this, mostly because I was on the tail end of a dishwashing shift and anything can piss me off on that type of night. I expected to do a ton of damage control, but the only people that responded seriously were an old acquaintance and a coworker from camp, neither of whom have I spoken to in at least two years. Even so, the hunt is on for the culprit.
Quotes of the day:
"There's a hot chick outside who needs help with a flat tire." - Chef
"He's saying manly words. 'Ma'am, there seems to be a hole in your tire!'" - Chef
...
Chiano: "Holy fucking shit!"
Me: "It's better than television!"
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