Murphy Eats All of My Food: Redux

          At Judy and Steve's for Thanksgiving today. Spent time with family, simply lovely and all that. We ended the evening with a game of Balderdash with the cousins and a wrestling match with my brother Ian. Actually more like a game of "rub Ian's face on the floor with my superior strength and skill," but it was a good time nonetheless. I apologize in advance for all the speaking tense changes in this post.
          Afterward, Murphy came to visit! She ate all of my leftover Chinese food and drank milk out of a teacup which she found in my cabinet. We discussed college woes and lots of other shiznat -- her word, not mine -- and caught up on each other. Lesson learned: Niagara University ("NU") is a total ghetto and it's not worth the $40 grand in tuition. Two visits from friends down, twelve to go. (Not really twelve. I lied.)
          Quote of the day: "Twenty-eight? That's a little young to be a mom. I think I'd just be a WILF -- a woman I'd like to fuck." -- Murphy, who will, at that age, be taking my brother Ryan to junior prom

          Also, an exchange while thinking of a title.
          Me: "'NU Sucks'? No, that doesn't work."
          Murphy: "Can you put 'NU Sucks,' with 'Donkey Dick' afterward?"
          Me: ...."How about 'NU? More Like PU!'"
          Murphy: "That is so gay!"

          LATER.
          Murphy and I decide to go out for ice cream. This should be a 5 minute jaunt over to Stewart's. For the uninitiated, Stewart's Shops are convenience stores with fantastic ice cream. They close at 11 and we head out at 10:18, it's all good. Oh wait, it's Thanksgiving so they close at 10. Cue mad dash all over the place as we now desperately crave ice cream - Barclay Heights Diner, Eckerd, McDonalds, Starway, Dunkin' Donuts, Price Chopper -- all closed. Finally we reach Quick Chek and by God, they're open! She takes a Haagen-Dazs strawberry and I choose a Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra. We then go to Evan's place for no reason and hang out for a while, where I had both the most depressing and most mind-bendingly funny moments of my day.
          Depressing: I walked really slowly with a limp in the extreme cold, speculated what it'll be like when I'm old, and wondered if it would be that discomforting.
          Funny: While old man-walking, I glance up through a picture window, glance back down and- wait. I look back up. Someone is watching porn on a big TV with the shades open. I call Evan and Murphy over. "Only old people live there," muses Evan. We carry on our conversation on the sidewalk in front of the house. This goes on for some time, with the old man (presumably, anyway) fast-forwarding through the doubtlessly awful porn plot. "Look, he turned it off!" I observe. Two seconds later... "Lesbians!" exclaims Evan. "He changed the channel to lesbians! What a guy!" I considered knocking on the door but I got scared and we drove back to Bel-Air.