Every Rose Has Its Thorn

          I robbed some cookies right out from under the cafeteria supervisor's nose today. There were actually two people behind the cookie counter already, and the supervisor walked over and they were all arguing about something, and I just snagged a nice heap of baked goods while they were distracted. This is Thieves Guild stuff right here.
          I joined Heather and Angel for dinner and had three George Clooney moments in terrifyingly quick succession. First, Scott appeared three seats away from me and surprised me. He then pointed to the TV, which pictured George Clooney lying on a bed (probably mine). I left about five minutes later, at which point Harrison appeared right next to me in the lobby. I'm now shivering with paranoia.
          In sexier news, I shaved today. Not completely, of course... not by a long shot. I'm currently rocking the Ambrose Burnside look. Google him if you want to cream yourself. When I don party shades and a popped collar, douche levels are critical. Only time will tell how long I will keep this style of 'stache before moving on to new pastures, but I can assure you that it will both help me gather donations for Movember and also attract many naked women to my quarters.

       On the subject of Movember. Rose cut me deep, deep indeed.
       "Rose, I'm collecting donations for Movember - it's men's health awareness."
       "No. I'm collecting money for Change for Change, though."
       "What if I die of prostate cancer?"

       "What if a village in Africa doesn't have animals to eat?"
       "What if I die of prostate cancer?"
       "[indistinguishable mumbling]"     
       "I have prostate cancer, Rose."
       "Get thee to a hospital, then."
       Women: the fairest sex, and the most heartless.

          Scott, Alaric and I did another card workout, this time accompanied by a giiiirl. Laura crushed the routine like a baws and demonstrated frightening double jointedness in her arms (see right). Also, a conversation: Laura is showing me a stretch...
          Me: "Aaargh, that feels good, Laura."
          Laura: "Okay, now spread your legs and look over    your shoulder."
          Me: "To see how they're doing back there?"
          And a good time was had by all. We then read a Cosmo article on how to tell if a guy is into you, and it was utter tripe. According to the top comment, "1) He's breathing. If he has a penis and there's eye contact, it's go time." Go time indeed, Mr. D[redacted].
          In just a few last pieces of news, Jaimie deserves spectabulous props for helping me deceive Iris into thinking I made her a Facebook account. I wish I'd been there for the hysteria. In the greatest Tremont news story of the day, Sean was approached in Ruggles today by a man asking for some "tree." If Sean looks like a drug dealer, he is the most clean cut drug dealer you've ever met. Also, he cops tree with the best of them.