Theology + Math = ?

          As I ate my Raisin Bran this morning, I idly listened to the news while my mother intently watched. Almost immediately I was disgusted. First came the news of the shooting in Auburn, wherein much was made of the fact that one of those killed was a linebacker for the college football team; another man was simply described as "a local." I felt that it was a disservice to linger on one's death and skim over the other's. Next was some coverage on the Mary Kennedy "tragedy" (you know, the one where she threatened violence against her family as well as suicide, and drove drunk, etc.) As if I should care about a person -- someone who so gleefully destroyed their family's unity -- just because they have "Kennedy" in their name. Not to mention the word "tragedy" being applied to it, to soften the idea that a Kennedy might be a bad person. These things irk me considerably, but give it twenty years and I'll probably be eating it up.
          At work, I pondered the phrase "God helps those who help themselves." Let's consider this.
Given that You + Your Help = You Get Help (A + B = C)
You + Your Help + God's Help = You Get Help (A + B + x = C)
x = 0
Therefore, God does not exist!
...
Or, you might state it this way: Given that You + Your Help = You + God's Help (A + B = A + x)
B = x, so Your Help = God's Help
Now cancel the Helps to find that you are God!
Math is such a wonderful tool!
          I spent my first night of busser training at the Red Onion tonight. It was pretty quiet (read: dead) tonight, so I was able to hone my dish-carrying, bread-cutting and napkin-folding skills. Already, I think I'll like this work as compared to my day job or last summer's slavery as the Red Onion's dishwasher. I don't regret that job -- I needed the college money, and it was an experience -- but I don't miss the 55 hour weeks and getting home at 1 A.M.
          Quote of the day:
Kevin: "Yeah, I had to take some sensitivity classes. I invited a bunch of people out on the river, said I'd make 'em some cement boots."
Chris: "He's been through so many sensitivity classes. This is a very insensitive person you're dealing with."